'An Evening of Comedy & Music'

I hope everyone is keeping warm in this arctic cold air. I'm looking forward to spring. This week, I'm enclosing a short story from my first book and answering a question from one of my male readers. I received several letters that were very similar- asking what to do when dating someone that is quite a bit older or younger. Do they have anything in common? Should they end the relationship, and listen to family members or friends that don't approve? They asked if something like that ever happened to me. I wrote a short story about this in my first book, 'Still Single.' Here's a bit of the story..

'The Older Mr. Wonderful'

I was in my early twenties, at a singles party with one of my girlfriend's. I was introduced to a man who was twenty years older than me. At the time I felt that he was the 'man of my dreams.' I was always attracted to older men. Age never mattered to me. He introduced himself and told me all about his life. He was married for 25 years and was divorced a year before. He was 'newly single.' He had two grown children. One was in her twenties and a teenage son. He spoke of his ex-wife in such a unique way. He was kind. He only spoke highly of her. He said he still loved her but the divorce was his fault. He was never home. He worked a lot. He said she fell in love with the family dentist and left him. I felt sorry for him. I dated this older distinguished man for over two months. We went to a carnival, movies, theater (musicals) and rented movies. I cooked dinner for him. He cooked dinners for me. We took long walks together. We spent a lot of time together. My friends thought I should be with someone closer to my own age. I didn't listen. I enjoyed his company.

We shared wonderful times together. He enjoyed my sense of humor. I enjoyed his personality, his smile and everything about him. He won my heart. It felt like it was a 'one-sided love.' I could tell he wasn't over his wife. He cried when he spoke about how he missed her. He never wanted to have more children. He wanted me to be with someone that wanted to start a family. He thought he couldn't raise more kids. On our last date, he told me all of this on the way home. He was going fishing the following weekend with a divorced buddy of his. I knew he was backing away. He was afraid to get close and give his heart to another woman. He asked what I wanted out of life. He was trying to get over his divorce. He knew how I felt about him. He told me he wanted me to be happy. He was only looking for a 'companion.' I felt sad. He told me I would be, 'A wonderful mother' someday and I would 'Make one lucky man a wonderful wife.' I thanked him for his compliments.

The following week he called me after he got back from his trip with his buddy. He told me the 'real' reason he couldn't date me anymore is that I reminded him of his beautiful daughter and he can't date his daughter!

I couldn't believe 'Mr. Wonderful' had said that to me. He felt like he was more like a father to me. I didn't feel that way. The age difference didn't matter to me at all. I sent him copies of the pictures we took together with a card that read:

"Enjoyed our time together. I need my college tuition by next week..."

Dear Debbie Sue, "I'm a 30 year old guy that's been dating a 45 year old woman for several few weeks. I'm in love with her. I live with my father and he doesn't want me with her. He won't let me talk about her in front of him. Not sure what to do. He's been telling me he won't see me ever again if I continue to date this woman. He knows I want to be with her and move in with her. I don't want to have to choose between my father and this woman. I want them both in my life. What should I do?" Benny

Dear Benny, That's wonderful that you found someone special to be with. Your father is upset about the 15 year age difference. But, it doesn't sound like it bothers you. That's all that should matter. I would continue with your relationship. You're old enough to decide for yourself who you spend your time with and who you eventually marry. It's your life. Explain to your father that you're in love with this woman and you would like him to be happy for you and you want him to be a part of your life. He may not want you to bring her around his home for a while. But, I have a feeling that once he sees how happy you are with her, he'll come around eventually. Hopefully, you'll all be sharing many wonderful times together. Good luck to you!

Dear: 'Is Chivalry dead?' The reader that asked for a 'private' answer. No, it certainly is not! If the guy you're dating is not opening the doors for you & he's walking in front of you, then he's not being a gentleman to you. You say he orders his drink in the restaurants you dine at before you? He doesn't ask what you would like to order? He sits down before you & doesn't help you with your coat? Perhaps you can have a talk with him about his habits & if his behavior doesn't change over time, you need to decide if this is the guy you want to spend time with. From your letter it sounds like he's not the one for you. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Listen to your heart. Good luck to you.

Until next time.. "Keep Smiling"

Debbie Sue

Send comments & questions to: debrasue-60076@msn.com

Visit Debbie Sue on her website at: www.stillsingle.org

Meet Debbie Sue & her friends March 28th at 8:00 pm for: 'An Evening of Comedy & Music.' At: Rock House 1742 Glenview Rd in Glenview. No cover