Moms & Dads Talk: Discussing Tough Topics with Kids

Mornings are a frenetic time in our house as we race to beat our current out-the-door record of 7:08 a.m. (according to our car’s digital clock).

There is a lot of negotiation needed to get the kids dressed, fed and ready to go. In my house, an episode of Full House, a personal favorite from my own childhood and conveniently on every morning on Nick Junior, generally does the trick.

Recently, my children were denied their Uncle Jesse and Joey fix when I decided to change the channel to watch some news. For me, it was a welcome reprieve. Unfortunately, I failed to consider the abundance of alarming headlines - fighting in Libya, traces of radiation and earthquake aftermath in Japan, staggering homicide statistics in our own city of Baltimore.

Hungry for any screen time, however, both my children tuned in with hyper awareness to the vivid news coverage. My daughter then turned to me with a grave look and asked, “is our country going to be ok?”

The simple answer is I don’t know. 

This does little to alleviate the fears of an elementary aged child. But, an e-mail sent out by my son’s guidance counselor did offer some good tips.

1. Limit television exposure, especially during prime time hours when the news and coverage are geared toward an adult audience and not tempered for younger viewers. Topics and, of course, images leave lasting impressions that children continue to ponder well after they have left you. If the television is on during these times, as it was in my kitchen, make sure you are there to address unsettling topics.

2. Question their knowledge. Perhaps they have been exposed to certain topics in school that you can continue to discuss with them in an age-appropriate way. My daughter’s school devoted an assembly period to the earthquake in Japan so that the students would better understand just what an earthquake is and the remoteness of its threat to us.

3. Be reassuring. While we certainly don’t have all the answers, they should be reassured that adults equipped with knowledge and experience are working on solutions.

4. As with any complicated/embarrassing/unexpected question from a child, stick to the facts.  Often answering a question directly using age-appropriate language can dispel misconception and, in this case, fear.

5. Be mindful of their feelings and check in periodically to ensure that worries are not festering without adult support.

The world is full of uncertainty for all of us, but as parents we must fulfill our responsibility to our children by giving them the guidance, support and necessary information they need to feel safe.