Moms & Dads Talk: Instilling a Sense of Giving in Children

Despite the frost yesterday morning, spring is coming. For me, there are many hallmarks of spring: tee-ball and lacrosse, horse races and gardening, bike rides and warmer temperatures. In order to clear a path for these activities, I have to (literally) clear a path in my house and de-clutter it of winter’s spoils.

It always amazes me how a family of four can accumulate so much–a kinder word than I am thinking–STUFF: clothes, toys, discarded games, books and puzzles.  This used to be a tireless and somewhat thankless job I undertook under the cover of darkness when no one could protest the loss of a once-favorite but long-neglected toy train or headless Barbie.  However, as my children have grown, I realize how my annual ritual can translate into a valuable life lesson for them.

It began with our church’s holiday toy drive. In the tradition of adopting a family, parishioners were given a cardboard box and asked to fill it with new and gently used items for a family in need.  Some items were suggested, while some were left to our discretion. We embarked on our project as a family, accessing outgrown clothes and unused gifts from the birthday bounty. My children learned to scrutinize each item and understand that in choosing it, they were passing it along to another child less fortunate than they. Attaching a real recipient to their selection process made the act of giving more tangible and meaningful for them. They eagerly hauled our overflowing box to the church parking lot for pick up, proud to add it to the giving tree that would benefit families far less fortunate than our own.

Now, when I encounter the daunting task of spring-cleaning, they see its value as an offering for someone else. My daughter and I shed pretend tears over a favorite Easter dress that now reaches well above her knees. As we reminisce about how much she has grown in such a short time, she excites in the possibility another little girl, just a few years younger, will have a new dress to wear as she collects Easter eggs. While my son reluctantly parts with a once-cherished Thomas train, he reasons that another little boy will delight in creating tracks along the slats of a wooden bench as he once did.

Believe me, there are innumerable times when the mass consumption and desperate pleas of “I want” and “I need” infuriate me. A simple trip to Target for toilet paper and laundry detergent can end in rants of “You’re so mean!” as I wheel determinedly past clearance aisles of Nerf blasters and Hannah Montana Barbie, unrelenting to their pleas. However, the gratification I feel when they recognize and reward need in others far outweighs this.

Just this morning, my son was scrutinizing his coin collection, relishing his newest find, a gold coin from Alaska. I congratulated him for this and asked if he was going to take it to school to show his friends who are equally invested in this new hobby. He responded, “Yes, but not for show and tell, Mom.  I am going to give it to my friend because he lost his.”

Throughout Baltimore, Maryland and the U.S., non-profit organizations are feeling the burden of our economic downturn. Philanthropic organizations that once relied on the generosity of its citizens are now competing with daily demands of rising fuel and food costs, loss of jobs, and diminished paychecks.  The spirit of giving is not as alive as it once was and many are suffering as a result of it. At the most basic level, our children suffer from a de-emphasis on helping others. As families look inward to consolidate their own resources, they must remain ever mindful of others, whose needs outweigh their own.  Teaching our children to look beyond themselves and to think of others is an indelible lesson that will never be lost.