The other night, as the baby and I were falling asleep together on the couch, his little padded hands clutching my necklace and his cheek on my chest, it occurred to me that he’s not going to be a baby forever.
It wasn’t exactly a revelation, because of course I’ve know that fact all along. But Isaac is just getting bigger and bigger and someday soon we won’t be able to nap comfortably like that anymore. OK, maybe that day has already come and gone, sometime around when he hit the 20-pound mark. But you won’t see me putting him down anytime soon, despite the fact that I’m more tired after our co-naps than I am before we fall asleep.
The point is he’s going to turn into a toddler like his big sister did before him. And then we won’t have a baby in the house anymore, and maybe we never will again as we, too, are getting older. Sometimes – like the nights when he’s having a tough time with teething and he wakes up at 1:30 a.m., and again at 4:30 a.m., and again at daybreak - I think that’s a really good thing. But most of the time it makes me feel sentimental and sad.
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Everything about this second child is just one big blur even though I’m right in the middle of it all right now. I forgive my mom now for having kept a half-empty baby book about me, also a second and last child, because whew, what busy parent of two little kids has time to put photos in an album? (I’ve purchased the album and printed up tons of photos, but they are all in box awaiting a free minute from yours truly.) Even my pregnancy with Isaac is a blur – I was blessed with complication-free experiences both times around, and particularly with Isaac, when being pregnant was a familiar routine, I just don’t remember much about it, other than all the recreational eating I did and am still paying the price for.
I remember when we found out that Isaac was on the way that I promised myself I would do things differently this time, that I’d savor every second from the first kicks I could feel to the first time he said “Mama.” Even if I’m not documenting every little milestone the way I imagined a good mom would, I think I’m definitely doing my best to savor the feelings motherhood brings. I can’t help but take an extra moment to breathe deeply while his little face rises and falls on my shoulder as we drift off to sleep.
