The Ethics of Borrowing

My kids, aged 10 and 11, have passed through the petty theft phase and can be trusted to never steal. I have no doubt.

But there’s a lot of borrowing among the kids, and there’s ethics involved in borrowing that are more subtle than when parents deal with outright theft. Judging from the number of books my long-suffering husband lends out and never sees again, too few parents teach the ethics of borrowing.

We wrestled with the borrowing problem this past month. My son, whose friend had left an expensive toy at our house, couldn’t find it to return it. Since we were de-cluttering anyway, we did an unusually thorough search for the toy. Nothing.

My son was upset, thinking I was accusing him of theft. “I didn’t steal anything. (My friend) knew I had it,” he said. He was right to protest -- I hadn’t really defined the problem well enough for him or for me and the way I was talking did make it sound like stealing.

In fact, the problem wasn’t theft, but a failure to do proper, ethical borrowing.

Here’s the rules we live by: 1) Occasional borrowing of small edibles, like the proverbial cup of sugar, is an essential part of neighborliness and no return is necessary or expected; 2) Anything else is returned in the same condition with varying levels of promptness (books can be weeks, tools should be by the next weekend or longer if agreed).

Kids will learn that by watching us borrow, but sometimes it has to be made explicit.

Frankly, we don’t borrow enough in this town.

I hate the fact that every single Takoma basement has a small tool room with enough wrenches and screwdrivers to fill a small truck. With some exceptions, we just aren’t that handy and it would be nice to know that Handy Friend X not only has the tools you need to do the job of swapping out a light switch but will talk you through it. You, of course, reciprocate to Handy Friend X by supplying him or her with something tool they don’t have along with advice about something they’re not so good at.

Our tool rooms could become exercise spaces.

But I fantasize.

Resolution report: In the last column, I resolved to get more exercise, lose weight, have a better yard and get rid of clutter. I had good success, mostly because I was on vacation. I went to the gym eight days out of 10, went on three hikes, lost two pounds and got rid of a box of books (to the Takoma Library) and two bags of toys and outgrown clothes (to the Pennyworth Shop). I also stripped seeds from some beans I had dried, enough for two years worth of planting. I did not make it to stretch class, but aim to on Friday. So, four out of five for the week.

How did you do on your resolutions?