Phyllis Carlson: On a Mission to Help Others Heal

Hyde Park resident Phyllis Carlson has been helping people sort through life’s problems for over 50 years. She runs her own psychotherapy practice out of her newly renovated home, a house that has been in her family for over 100 years.

“As long as I can sit for an hour and not drool, I can do this work forever,” she jokes. “I’m good at it. I like to be useful to people, not busy. And it keeps me off the streets.”

While the impact of the pandemic has cut her business down by 50%, the lifelong Bostonian continues to find the bright side of challenging situations, just as she teaches her clients to do. Just as she has done her entire life, even through her own tragedies.

In 2002, Phyllis’ ex-husband Bob was murdered.

“He was a very nice guy,” says Phyllis. “He was Mr. Nice Guy to his family and to everyone in his community. We had divorced a few years before his death, but we were still very close. We even held hands as we walked into divorce court. It took me 12 years to finally get over his death. His funeral went on forever because everyone wanted to share things that they loved about him.”

Phyllis will sometimes use her own experience coping with family tragedy to help her clients see past mental blocks that are keeping them from living their best lives.

“Many people that come to see me are working through their own struggles,” says Phyllis. “They are in bad relationships, dealing with a close friend’s death or fighting with family members. Oftentimes, it’s someone who can't stop reliving something negative that has happened to them, and they want to change it. I help people see how they can begin to take back control of their lives. But first, you have to notice. You can’t change something about yourself that you don’t notice. And you can't truly notice if you're too busy criticizing yourself.”

It’s no surprise Phyllis has had some of the same clients for years. She herself is an affable personality, full of laughter, jokes and quick wit. She’s also an expert on World War I history and an avid traveler. She has visited 37 states and 26 countries. It may soon be 29 in August when she heads to Botswana, Zambia and Zimbabwe with her grandson Alex through the Road Scholars program, an education travel nonprofit that hosts multi-generational travel trips.

“I take each of my three grandchildren on two trips through the Road Scholar program,” she says. “So far, we’ve done the Grand Canyon, Oregon and South Dakota. If the African Safari trip doesn’t get cancelled, Alex will soon be helping me off planes and buses in Africa.”

Aside from occasional trips as a child from Boston to Nova Scotia where her parents were from, Phyllis didn’t go on her first trip until her early 20s when Aunt Herta (Bob’s aunt) took her to Mexico City.

“Aunt Herta was really the one who helped me see the value of traveling, exploring other places and appreciating different cultures,” says Phyllis. “After that trip, I was hooked. One of the trips I’ll never forget was visiting the battlefields of World War I. My mother’s brother went MIA in the Battle of Passchendaele, like thousands of other soldiers. I was able to lay a wreath down during a ceremony commemorating all those lives lost.”

Phyllis is passionate when she talks about World War I history. She taught a class for adults on the subject at UMass Boston.

“I’d teach my students everything about The Great War, but their favorite part of class was when I would share the trench songs of the era, especially 'Sister Susie's Sewing Shirts for Soldiers.' Since I refused to be computer savvy, I carried a projector, student papers, research and audio players to class. I was like a one-armed paper hanger.”

Phyllis always liked teaching, but that was not the path she chose after graduating from (former) J.P. High School.

“Back then, many women had two choices for careers – become a teacher or a become a nurse. I attended New England Deaconess Hospital School of Nursing and became a Registered Nurse. Tuition for three years was $400 because we attended classes during the day and staffed the hospital in the evenings and nights."

But her most satisfying years in nursing were spent teaching student nurses at Emerson Hospital in Concord. She went on to graduate Summa cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from Boston University.

“I found the teaching aspect of nursing to be my favorite part of the profession, and students liked me,” she says. “But I decided to pursue a career where I could help more people.”

Phyllis attended Simmons College School of Social Work and, after graduating with her MSW in 1969, began her career as a clinical social worker in psychotherapy at Family Service of Dedham.

“I loved every minute of working there,” she says. “It was never a dull day. My case load ranged from three-year-old children to elderly folks.”

When it closed down in 2002, Phyllis went full-time with her own private practice which she continues to operate in her downstairs home office.

“I’m like Dr. Leo Marvin from the movie What About Bob,” she laughs. (Richard Dreyfuss’ character).

When Phyllis isn’t working, traveling, volunteering at local elementary schools through AARP’s Generations program or spending time with her family, she likes hibernating in the comfort of her own home.

In the morning, she sits on her deck overlooking the backyard enjoying coffee and her other passion.

“Katie (her cat) and I love birdwatching. I feed the sparrows. And we have a Baltimore Oriole this year. Katie sits and watches -- she’s a diabetic…and on Prozac. She’s really something.”

Some evenings, Phyllis likes reading on her front porch on Hyde Park Ave.

“I’ve gotten used to the sirens,” she says. “The people around here are respectful. There was one time I didn’t realize that I had dropped my credit card after getting out of the car. It was in my mail slot the next morning.”

As a lifelong Bostonian, Phyllis’ affinity for Hyde Park is clear.

“I love my house. I love my neighborhood. I love Antonio's Bacaro. And I love Ron’s Ice Cream,” she laughs.

For all who want to age well and continue living their best lives, Phyllis shares these tips:

1. Get travel insurance
2. Live until you die
3. Be useful, not busy