10 Signs of the Apocalypse

My insomnia is back and I think I know why. As we edge deeper into the year 2011, I can’t help but dwell on the fact that it won’t be long until 2012 is upon us.

According to doomsday prophets, the Mayan calendar , the Holy Bible and a rather so-so John Cusack film, we, apparently, have a date with destiny.

In the event that you’ve been living under a rock for the past, oh, 20 years or so, without cable, the web or iPhone, let me clue you in.

According to a number of sources, on Dec. 21, 2012 the world will end, in any number of horrific scenarios, wiping us out faster than you can say “I feel like a dinosaur."

Another theory suggests that the world, again, will end, but this time, the good people of our little blue planet will be whisked away to parts unknown, leaving those not-so-good folks – and you know who you are – to clean up the mess.

Still another version has us suddenly becoming “aware” of our indiscretions and turning a complete 180 to become “all that we can be” – planet saved, catastrophe averted.

Some, pooh pooh the idea, reminding us of the panic surrounding the year 2000 and the predictions of widespread destruction at the hands of our PC’s, via Y2K. That prediction, although good for spicing up New Year’s eve parties and giving people license to go hog-wild as midnight approached, never materialized.

Of course, the Y2K thing didn’t have the backing of the Mayans, or even John Cusack, so it’s no surprise that it fizzled.

Doomsday predictions, of course, have been around for eons. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that our cavemen ancestors had their own version of the “end of days.” Imagine unearthing that relic. “Og say world end tomorrow.” And for all we know, Og may have been right. Think about it. Do you see any cavemen running around today – not counting inebriated males trying for a hook-up at happy hour?

Biblical scholars have pointed to “signs of the Apocalypse” within that great book. A 2,000 year old “heads up” meant either to forewarn us of coming catastrophes or to scare the pants off of us.

“Take a look around,” a friend warned me. “Volcanoes erupting, fish dying in the sea, birds falling from the sky, tsunamis wiping out entire towns. Doesn’t that worry you?”

Actually, it doesn’t. I chock it all up to a hiccup in the natural order of things. “Even Mother Nature has a bad-hair-day," I reason.

There are, however, other signs that do give me the willies and here they are:

1. The 2011 Red Sox, with a payroll of $161 million and at least on paper, one of the best teams ever assembled, are 1-7 through nine games. Weird.

2. Several executives at high profile non-profit – yeah, right – health care providers are giving money back to the company. Scary.

3. Cars on Main Street actually surrendered the right-of-way and let me make a left-hand turn. Unheard of.

4. My fast-food drive-through order wasn’t missing anything. A head scratcher.

5. A visit to began with a stranger politely holding the door open for me, What’s with that?

6. I bought a total of 1 lottery ticket from and won – Okay, it was only $2, but still. How weird.

7. I drove by and noticed that the price of gas actually went down a penny. Very unsettling.

8. While dining at I heard someone say “I wouldn’t mind another snow storm.” Chilling.

9. My HMO actually waved a co-pay. Sick.

10. I tuned into talk-radio and heard the host say something nice about somebody. Left me speechless.

So there you have it. Signs that something out of the ordinary is afoot. Forget volcanoes, tsunamis, et al. These are the really scary things that tell me we may be in for a bumpy ride come 2012.

However, should we wake up on the morning of Dec. 21, 2012 and nothing is amiss, take a closer look. I’m sure there will be plenty of signs that doomsday is still on the schedule, we just got the date wrong.