Thoughts while shaving

Do they realize what they’re saying when they hold a press conference or they
are being interviewed by the press? After something bad happens that may
have been preventable, you hear authorities saying things like “we take this
very seriously” (we don’t usually?), “we’ll make sure it never happens again”
(sounds like a guarantee?), “we’ll leave no stone unturned” (every stone,
everywhere?), “this is extremely troubling” (really?). We hear other clichés like
“this is totally unacceptable” (as opposed to), “we’ve been working very
diligently” (not always?), “there will be a thorough investigation” (what is
thorough?) we are cautiously optimistic” (carefully hoping?). Then they play
the blame game and no one is held responsible until public pressure comes to
bear and someone finally resigns. Once in a while, why can’t we simply hear
“Whoever caused this will be fired” or “We will fix it”?

Originally published July 2015