New Moms Use Playgroups as New Support System and Social Network

Interrupted sleep. Crazy feeding and nap schedules. Lack of spontaneous plans. There are a lot of changes when you bring home a baby. Most of those changes are expected and welcomed, but one that creeps up for women is the isolation they may experience from being away from their normal social network of co-workers and friends.

Many career women who have been working for years are all of a sudden home with an infant, whether for maternity leave or by choice to stay at home for awhile. Their daily dose of conversation with adults has suddenly decreased and the demands of an infant have increased.

Moms, don’t despair. To avoid feeling isolated in your new environment and in your new role, it is important to create a new network system and support system. Find a playgroup or mother’s group quickly!

Maria Boeckeler, mom to Brianna, 7, and Nina, 3, admitted that "I often feel it is me and the four walls. Isolated is an excellent word to describe it."

Kerry Blossfeld, new mom to twelve week old daughter and a member of Northborough Moms and Tots, commented that "especially with the tough winter, it has been isolating at times, but having a supportive husband helps as does reaching out to other moms through the group." She is hoping that when the nicer weather comes, she can have more opportunity to get out and meet other moms.

Many women making the transition from full time work to stay-at-home-mom will admit that one of the most difficult things is losing the adult social interactions. In addition, the work site might have been a distance from home base, leaving few contacts within their own community.

Patty O’Connell, an elementary school teacher, decided after much consideration to stay at home with her twin girls. "It was the best decision of my life. I love being home with my girls. They are growing so quickly that I am so glad that I had the sense to realize that I didn't want to miss any of it!" O’Connell does admit that she sometimes misses working. "Mainly what I miss is the interaction with adults. I miss the teachers' room chats and time with my friends."

O’Connell worked 45 minutes away from home so she didn’t know many people in town when she made the transition to stay-at-home mom. "The thing that has made this doable for me has been my playgroup. I found the playgroup online and worked up my nerve to join. I ended up meeting some wonderful people who have become very close friends. They have made all the difference. Without those friends, Monday through Friday would have been too lonely and I would have felt too isolated. Instead, I am part of the community, and my girls and I all have some great friends."

Natalie Beyranevand, who has a toddler son, Ryan, said she joined a playgroup, because "in the beginning, the biggest benefit was definitely staying sane and getting out of the house to meet other moms and give or receive advice and gain friendships with people who understood what I was going through because they had children of similar ages." She has made some great friendships with the moms from the playgroup and tries to attend a moms night out at least once per month.

"It’s a source of adult interaction and a way to spend time with the kids," said Amanda Dafoe, mom to three young kids, who agreed that one of the biggest benefits of being a part of a playgroup has been social. "The kids have benefitted. All three kids seem to do well with a change of scenery, so that has been a bonus for all of us on days I manage to get them out to attend playgroup. As they get older, I hope to become more involved in other activities, using the group as a resource."

A quick internet search for playgroups or mother’s groups in the area can point you in the right direction. Some groups are national organizations and typically have a yearly membership fee associated with it. Others are very informal based on interests of moms that give you the opportunity to have an email buddy or to meet. Some of the sites you might wish to search include: Moms Club,  Mothers and More, Child Avenue, Playgroups USA, Mommy and Me , Moms Meetup, Mothers and Company.

For Northborough and area residents, there is Northborough Moms and Tots. In addition to regular playgroups, it offers monthly moms night out, potluck lunches, book club meetings, a community service group, walking and running groups and many other activities and events to include moms, kids and families.

Attending a class or program with your child will also give you another option to meet others with similar aged children. and are two great local resources for kid's programs.

When Alison McKeon’s son was only three months old, she signed him up for a class and met three moms from that class and they have stayed friends since. "It is definitely a benefit to meet and connect with people to share experiences, especially as first time moms," McKeon commented. After the class ended, the four moms started a weekly playgroup of their own and rotated as hosts at their houses or coordinated plans to meet at places like parks or indoor play places.

Boeckeler noted that as the kids become involved in activities and sports as they get older, it also gives you the opportunity to meet other people. "My perspective has definitely changed. The world no longer revolves around me. Do I miss quiet ? Sometimes, but my life is constantly evolving, as are my children, and I'm happy I get to be here to watch it all unfold. That makes it all worthwhile."

Playgroups, of course, benefit the kids too. They provide the kids with a chance to be social with their peers. Now that Beyranevand’s son is older, she commented that the playgroups are also benefitting him. "He's learning to share, play with other children, mimic other children's behaviors, speech, and motor actions."

Playgroups can also assist you in other ways than just socially, depending on the network that exists among members. 

"The mom’s group has been a stand-in for family since we are new to the area," said Elizabeth Almeida, a member of Northborough Moms and Tots. "I've built a support network of other moms so I know I have help when I need it. I also love the exchange of goods in the group... it is the first place I go when I need something kid-related, such as a pack- n- play or toys. The group is great at recycling!"

Jennifer Cacciatore, mom of two boys, is impressed by the women in Northborough Moms and Tots. "The women in this group are crazy generous! I sent out an email regarding a friend whose family had a house fire and needed assistance. I was overwhelmed with emails from women in this group who were willing to donate everything from cribs to shoes for the adults. The group is an amazing resource. I've asked questions about parenting, school, pretty much anything and someone is always willing to give advice and help out."

You won’t necessarily connect and be best friends with everyone in a group, but you start with having something in common....parenthood.