Hate Has No Home in Stoneham

I’m your neighbor here in Stoneham. You may have seen me around town, on the Common for concerts and other festivities, cheering my kids on at sporting events, or attending school band events and plays. Maybe we’ve run into each other when we volunteered at events or attended Town Meeting. We could have stood in line together at the Butcher or sat next to each other at the bar at the 438. We might have gone to school together – many years ago! Your kids might be friends with my kids. Or perhaps, we haven’t had to opportunity to cross paths yet.

I am the face behind, what I guess has become, the recent “Hate Has No Home Here sign campaign.” I have heard a lot of questions, and rumors, about my effort, so I thought I would share how it came to be and my experience with the endeavor.

Back in June, I went to 5 Guys and placed a takeout order. While waiting for my order, I noticed a family, of foreign decent, with a toddler sitting at a table eating their dinner, and a Caucasian man standing over the father saying something to him. The father proceeded to pick his daughter up from in front of the man, pass her to his wife and ask her to seat the child at the other end of the table. The father was visibly uncomfortable and concerned for the child’s well-being. He then proceeded to walk up to the counter and asked the young men working there if the other customer could be removed for harassing them. None of the young men seemed aware of what to do. After a few minutes a manager came out and asked the family what was going on. The father proceeded to share that they were simply trying to enjoy their meal and the other customer was harassing them. The manager asked both parties if they could agree not to speak to each other and finish their meals. The family vocally agreed, the other man remained silent, but nodded his head. The manager walked back into the kitchen.

I watched the man continue to stare at the family. Less than five minutes later, he was back up, right in the face of the father, yelling about his America, saying the family had no right to be there, and they need to go back to where they came from. Amazed at what I was witnessing, I stood up and got between the man and the family. I told the man he was being inappropriate, especially after just saying that he would not speak to the family. The man proceeded to let loose a profane tirade at me, at which point others in the restaurant began to stand up and express the need for him to stop his prejudiced behavior. After swearing at me a little more, he proceeded to leave the restaurant. The family and other customers in the restaurant thanked me, the situation calmed down, and everyone went back to eating their meals. But I couldn’t shake the irony that people were saying how awesome it was that I stood up to the man, but no one else did anything until I said something to him first…

Later that evening, when telling my family about the experience and feeling like there must be more that I could do, my daughter mentioned that there are signs that read “Hate Has No Home Here” that could be purchased for our front lawn to show our solidarity with our fellow human beings. She had seen them around other towns and wanted to get one. I proceeded to look up the site to learn more about the signs. Here are a few excerpts from the site:

THE MESSAGE

The Hate Has No Home Here project seeks to declare neighborhood residences, businesses, and places of community free from hate speech and behavior, providing safe places for conversation, work, learning, and living.

WHO’S BEHIND IT?

The “Hate Has No Home Here” sign project began with a group of neighbors from North Park, a Chicago neighborhood characterized by its diversity of age, race, nationality and ethnicity.

WHAT’S THE POINT?

The Hate Has No Home Here movement is built around a simple idea: it’s easy to hate people we don’t know. Posters and yard signs are just the beginning. What starts as powerful, positive messaging continues in relationship-building, dialogue, and communal action. When neighbors of different races, religions, and nationalities move past indifference to investment in one another, we knock out the underpinnings of racism and intolerance, and make possible a better future for our communities.

IS THIS SIGN ASSOCIATED WITH A SPECIFIC POLITICAL PARTY AND/OR A CRITIQUE DIRECTED AT THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION?

No. This sign is a public declaration that hate speech and hateful actions against others will not be tolerated by the person or organization displaying the sign. In that, it is non-partisan. This sign is a statement that, while it is okay to disagree with others civilly regarding issues, it is not okay to intimidate or attack a person or group—verbally or physically—based on attributes such as gender, ethnic origin, religion, race, disability, or sexual orientation.

The reasoning behind the signs resonated with my personal ideals. We all have our own beliefs. We have the right to express them. We have the right to disagree with the beliefs of others. But we do not have the right to think our beliefs make us better than anyone else or to intimidate someone else because of who they are or what they believe.

I went to make a purchase, but unfortunately, there was a minimum order of 100 signs. I wasn’t prepared to place that large of an order, I simply wanted one for my own lawn. I closed the site and went about my usual business.

A few days later, while perusing Facebook, I came across a post by a woman who stated that she was out walking her dog when a group of teenagers in a car drove by, yelling racial profanities at her. My reaction was, “Really? Is this what we are becoming as a society?” My desire to show solidarity with my fellow human beings was again substantiated.

I pondered whether I was the only one who felt this way and decided to reach out to Facebook to share my experience and goal. And others agreed with me. I got enough interest to open a pool so folks could pay for a sign. Within a matter of days, I had the funds to place an order of 100 signs.

And then something amazing happened. People continued to contact me, they wanted signs too. As quickly as the first 100 were claimed, I had a list of additional folks that were interested. I decided to place another order.

When the orders arrived, I had to figure out how to get them into hands of those that had already bought them, as well as offer the additional signs to those that still wanted to purchase one. Again, I used Facebook. I put posts on a few Stoneham-oriented pages about meeting up at a central location in town to pick up or purchase a sign…

And suddenly I was inundated with hate. A campaign to show that hate doesn’t live here, seems to have kindled the hatred within others. I am “evil” and “divisive”, my “tolerance is nothing but intolerance”, I am “inciting violence”, I need to “get a grip.” These are some of the comments I am able to publicly share. I have also received unsolicited messages letting me know what a horrible person I am, in words not nearly so pleasant.

I might not agree with the signs you put on your lawn, the bumper stickers on your car, the causes named on your license plate, the flags and banners you hang in your yard. But you know what? I respect your right to express your beliefs and don’t bully you for doing so. I don’t leave you nasty messages. I simply go about my day. And I try to be kind to everyone I encounter.

This is a campaign meant to foster communication and understanding. Nothing is being forced on anyone. You don’t want a sign, fine, don’t buy one. All I ask is that you respect my right to my opinion.

I will not let those who think that it is okay to use intimidation to silence or stop what I think is a worthy cause. I will continue to offer the Hate Has No Home Here signs until everyone who would like one, has one. If you’d like a sign, please reach out to me at NoHateStoneham@gmail.com. If you don’t, feel free to look away and go about your business.

Thank you to those that have purchased signs and reached out to let me know they appreciate my efforts. Thankfully, these messages have far outweighed the nastiness others have been compelled to spew.

Here’s hoping love and tolerance comes out on top.