Blog: Thoughts On An Empty Nest ... and Change

The first days…

Just the one. And now done. The house is empty. Detritus from 18 years is piled in every nook and cranny. Well, except for the few very large things we insisted be gone, like the senior year physics project (a Rube Goldberg bookshelf of weirdity).

We’re surrounded by The Quiet. It’s not a natural quiet. It’s a very strange quiet. It’s a quiet that you know will not be broken suddenly by a need for money or to get somewhere or solve some problem. It’s just quiet. A nothing quiet.

Even the cats know. Nothing is happening. Nothing is coming. Nothing … just nothing going on. Quiet.

There’s nothing we have to do for our young charge. There’s nothing we must worry about. We don’t know the class assignments. We don’t know the friends she’s hanging out with. We don’t know … much of anything. But then, we never did, as we were told repeatedly.

The room is frozen in time. Nothing has moved. And, it’s way, way too clean. You can see the floor, the desk. The stuffed animals are all lined up neatly. There’s no lump under the covers in the morning. There’s no need to close the door before making coffee in the early hours. No tiptoeing around.

There’s also no help with the trash. There’s no one to help set the table. There’s no one to tease. There’s no one to check on … did you fill out that form? There’s no one to leave the driveway light on for after 11. There’s no one taking over the family room TV, there’s no one to return the soda cans for spare change. (There’s also no one taking my car most of the day.)

Fourteen years of first days of school, backpacks, new clothes, back to school nights, orchestra concerts, sports events, packing lunches, planning family dinners … nothing now.

We planned and executed so well for so many years … now the rhythm has stopped. Stopped short. Nothing.

Six Weeks Later…

A new rhythm has yet to really take hold. But, it’s coming. We’re now just back from parent’s weekend … not unlike camp visiting day those many years ago. Deliver list of requested goods, have a meal in the dining hall, see the messy room, drop off to meet friends at the hockey game, go away (though with a nice hug and kiss for mom plus a high five for me). Watch crew scrimmage all day Saturday, another dinner … then home. Back to the quiet.

It’s not really sad at all because she’s so happy. She’s thoroughly enjoying college life and meeting new people and learning new things. She did ask, "So, how are things at home?" It was not convincing that she really wanted much of an answer. Tales of our kooky cats’ antics brought out a laugh.

We’re home, and we walk by the room – the room that was a fully functioning universe not so long ago. The room where she was surrounded by books, posters, ribbons, stuffed animals, two cats (still there) and more. The room is still. Frozen.

Suddenly, we’re told to expect a few, maybe many (yikes) to crash here during the Head of the Charles weekend! Crank up the food service, clear space for sleeping bags – the party’s coming to town.

Hurrah!