Peaceful Parenting the Anxious Child

"Everybody's got a thing, but some don't know how to handle it." - Stevie Wonder

I love Stevie Wonder. He says it like it is. "Everybody's got a thing."

The Anxious Child has got "a thing". Anxious girls cry a lot. Some girls get angry a lot. Anxious boys can be withdrawn or overactive. They all can be clingy, nervous and shy.

They can often have trouble stopping one thing and moving into another.

For the younger child, night time is a series of adjustments and a need to relax -- something anxious children can find challenging.

The older child can get excited about something at any given moment for any reason, but when it is time to moderate their behavior when the excitement has passed, they are almost "stuck" and find it challenging to calm and adjust.

The older Anxious Child has fits and is moody. Girls, especially, can let go of their anxiety by crying. The teen Anxious Child is even more moody than the average teen and can be at risk for self-medicating behaviors in order to calm the anxiety.

The anxious child raises the level of stress in a family.

What to do as a parent of an anxious child?

Stevie's song at the top goes on: "but some don't know how to handle it".

Even if you don't understand why your child is anxious, you can:

Breathe in and out. This helps you calm down and by extension help your child.

Smile. If your child sees you breathing and smiling, they are likely to realize they are safe in the moment. Safety helps anxious people calm down.

Realize it's not what is happening, it's how you handle it. How do you want to handle your child's anxiety? I suggest love, care, kindness. Soothe your child -- no matter the age -- and give them time. Stay with them. Keep them company. Touch them. Sit by them. Be near. How close you get physically depends on each child's comfort with contact. Be with them. Accept them. Tell them you understand that they are experiencing anxiety. This does not mean that you have to understand WHY they are anxious. It's telling them that you can see by their behavior that the name of it is "anxiety".

As the parent, it is beneficial to focus on the fact that their anxiety will pass. Tell them, reassure them that it will pass. Each time this is repeated, they will gain skills to realize they can TOLERATE their anxiety and it will pass.

Anxiety is a common experience. Expecting kids to not be anxious is a great goal, but not necessarily attainable.

Acceptance of anxiety as a part of life, yet learning how to handle it, will go a long way to achieving what you truly desire:  a peaceful family life.