When Is It OK to Leave Your Child Home Alone?

My friend Wendy has a 9-year-old and an older child who is 11. When arranging for a play date at my house on a recent Sunday morning while my husband was out of town, she suggested dropping off her son at the same time as the spin class I planned to go to. 

This brought up a dilemma for me, because I planned to leave my two kids home alone while I went to class.  They are 8 and 11 and are quite comfortable being home together for an hour or so without parents around. 

But was it OK for her to drop off her kid while I was out?  Is it even OK for me to leave my kids home alone? 

Earlier this month, a  but without a phone, house key, or an emergency contact. The father was charged with abandonment of a child younger than 10-years-old.

Leaving children at home alone is not something I’d discussed much with other parents, and I was feeling a little unsure of myself and my plans after being “caught in the act.”   

Then I got to thinking.  The two boys play very nicely together, with no history of rough-housing, fighting or hurt feelings.  Maybe it was OK.

I told Wendy about my plans and told her it was OK with me if she dropped Evan off while I was out, or if she came a little later -- whatever made her more comfortable.

In the end, Wendy arrived shortly after I returned from the gym.  She was really interested in talking about leaving kids home alone.  She said she sometimes leaves her 11-year-old home alone for short periods and everything seems fine.  She has also left her 9-year-old, but wasn’t so sure about it.

She was curious if there are laws about children being left home alone and how to tell when a child is ready to be alone.

After doing a little online research, it seems many states, including Massachusetts, do not have specific laws about when children can be left alone.  Some states do, though, and the age at which a child can be left home alone ranges from 8- to 14-years-old. Typically, the ages are set by the department of child protective services.

Whether your child is ready to be home alone really depends upon your child, rather than his or her age. It depends how comfortable and confident they are.  Some kids are naturally worriers and may need to be a little older before they are ready.

My 8-year-old, for example, is fine being alone for an hour or so.  My 11-year-old is not — she is a more nervous type, one who worries about unfamiliar sounds when she is on her own, so we don’t leave her alone. 

So, how do you know when your child is old enough to be home alone?

Before you consider leaving your child alone, even for a short time, here are some important tips:

• Can the child use a telephone and know how to reach you or an alternate?

Make sure your child knows your cell number and how to call you. 

Always leave a secondary phone number for your child in case your cell phone battery runs out or you are in an area without a signal, etc. 

Leave a list of people your child can call — a  neighbor, close relative, an adult friend of the family — people who agree to be on a “backup” list for instances like this.

• Does your child know basic safety information?

Your child should be comfortable calling 911 if needed in an emergency.

Your child should know your home address and phone number.

They should be instructed to leave the house and go to a neighbor to call 911 in case of fire.

Make sure your child knows not to use the stove or microwave while you are out.

They should never answer the door while you are out and should tell any callers you are “unavailable” rather than “out.”

• You should talk to your child

If everything above checks out, have a conversation with your child and ask how they feel about being alone for a little while.  If your child is hesitant, scared or worried, wait a few months and then check-in again.

Ready to give it a try?

Start with very short periods of time - 10 to 15 minutes.  A quick trip dropping off another child at a nearby activity is a great place to start, or just take a walk around the block. 

Check-In

When you get back be sure to ask your child how she felt while you were out and discuss any worries, problems or feelings that came up.

When you and your child feel comfortable with 10-15 minutes alone, try a half hour and eventually work your way up to an hour.  Do this gradually, checking in with your child at each interval to make sure they feel comfortable.

Limit Time Away

Never plan to leave a younger child (8-12) for more than two hours at a time.  Even the most confident child can start to get nervous or worried as the time stretches on.

What about leaving more than one child home alone?

This depends on your children. Our two are fine when left together, so we leave home alone on occasion. Whether you can leave your kids home alone will depend on how well they get along, whether or not they ever get physical or rough with each other and whether they can follow rules and be safe.  When in doubt, play it safe until you feel comfortable they won’t harm each other while you are out.