Clark Professor Pens 'When Your Gay or Lesbian Child Marries'

WORCESTER, MA — In 2004, same-sex marriage became legal in Massachusetts, and 70,000 same-sex couples are now married in the United States since it was legalized nationally in 2015.

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For some, this means a unique challenge for both the couples in their parents - a challenge Clark University Sociology Professor Deborah Merrill addresses in “When Your Gay or Lesbian Child Marries: A Guide for Parents.

It it, Merrill examines how same-sex marriage changes relationships between parents and their gay or lesbian adult children.

“When Your Gay or Lesbian Child Marries” is the first book to look at the implications for parent and adult child relationships, which are a central part of family life and affect care giving in later life, said the announcement.

This book is a guide for parents to help them understand the ways in which relationships with their gay/lesbian children might change—from a child’s “coming out of the closet” to a gay son or lesbian daughter raising his/her their own children. It aims to help parents better comprehend the nuances of same-sex marriage, said the release, and the struggles their children face as they navigate their sexual orientation over time.

Merrill spent numerous, intensive interviews with gay men and lesbians who were married, and compared it to parents of both a gay or lesbian married child and a heterosexual child.

”Parents who are able to accept their child’s sexual orientation and incorporate their spouse into the family will find that they gain a second daughter or son and bypass much of the tension involved in a child’s heterosexual marriage,” said Merrill.

Merrill advises parents to separate their feelings about their child from their feelings about homosexuality, and to remember how much they love their child.

She writes, “Keep in mind that your child has turned to you for love and support, not censure. You alone have the power to retain the relationship that you have always treasured.”

According to Fran Goldscheider, professor emerita at Brown University, “Merrill’s new analysis of changes in parent-adult relationships when a homosexual child marries builds on her valuable and insightful parallel study of what happens to parent-child relationships when a heterosexual child marries. Its implications go far beyond the focal question about how to survive the marriage of a homosexual child, by raising questions about the ways gender structures so many family relationships.”

This is Merrill’s fourth book, and she teaches courses in family, medicine, aging, and research methods, and is also affiliated with Clark’s Women’s and Gender Studies program.