Moving Across the Country

On Jan. 19, I found out that I was accepted into Teach for America and placed to teach Special Education in the Bay Area, California. The excitement, anxiety, and stress of moving across country started then and I can’t say that it has stopped.

Lately, I find myself thinking about whether I made the right choice because things still seem chaotic and unstable. I had a conversation with my boyfriend, Luke Duncan, last night about the hardships of leaving home. I mentioned to him how I wish there was a “how to move across country successfully” book. We talked about how people don’t usually write about leaving their hometown (comfort zone) and offer advice in a column or such.

I wondered why–do people not move often? Are people feeling the same way we are and just can’t find time to write down some advice for others? We made several mistakes during this move, but we also had successes. Below is what I wish someone would’ve told me when I started my move to California:

• Use a Moving Company: I know that it seems like common sense, but moving across country is quite expensive. To cut down on cost, I relied heavily on Southwest’s free bags policy to transport most of our valuable belongings. It did not cost us anything, but it definitely added to the stress such as where to store the bags, weight limits, and keeping fragile things in good condition. I just wish I paid the money for a moving company to load and unload all of our belongings rather than go through the hassle of bags and wondering when our things will be here.
• Live Close to Work: This was a little out of our control since Luke started working here before me. We picked San Francisco as middle ground since I did not have a placement yet. We love our home and love being in the city but the commute is quite long for the both of us. We are making the best of the situation and for the most part are getting use to it. However, if you plan to move across country, make sure you live close to work!
• Avoid Negative People: If there is anything this move has taught me is that too many negative people exist in the world. You need to avoid them and ignore all their comments. Negative people are going to bring you down and make you doubt your decision. Simply put, they don’t want to see you succeed. Remember YOUR goals and ambitions and WHY you chose this new road that others were too afraid to take. 
• Learn to Say No: Family and friends are going to want to visit. That is normal and very nice of them to do. But don’t make the mistake of always having people around especially if you move with a significant other. Starting a new job, getting use to a new city and making friends is no joke. You need TIME for yourself. You need time to explore and be YOU for a while before others begin to visit you. If it is not the right time, then please say “no” and don’t make the mistake of never having alone time.
• Accept Failures: You’re going to fail–many times. Those failures have nothing to do with your new choice. People fail all the time, but choose not to talk about them. Family and friends are watching you and there is a lot of pressure to do everything right. But living isn’t about doing the right things all the time. I know that if Luke and I did not make some of the mistakes mentioned above then we wouldn’t have learned anything. Of course, there is pressure for you to succeed in this new path you’ve chosen but it’s YOUR definition of success. Don’t let people’s views of what success means to them become yours.
• Celebrate Small Successes: When I first moved to San Francisco, it took me 30 minutes to walk to the Powell Station. Now it takes me 15 minutes! That is a success! Learn to celebrate the small successes in your new life. People don’t know you or what you have accomplished so whatever recognition you were used to getting won’t happen in your new job right away. It is going to take time - be patient. In the meantime, celebrate the small successes – furnishing your apartment, getting your commute down, finding a farmer’s market for cheap groceries, etc. Trust me - this will make you feel better.
• Budget: It will take several months for you to figure out a new budget. You will not be able to save the way you did before because of factors such as cost of living, rent, and education. Again you have to be patient and wait it out. It will get better and you will develop a budget that is feasible.

Essentially I am writing to let everyone know that moving across country is not easy. It is actually one of the hardest things I have done. In the span of three months, I moved to a whole new state, traveled for training to new city, taught students of cultures that I was unfamiliar with and living in a city that is becoming home. Not to mention, starting a new job as a special education teacher. Everything is new. Nothing seems familiar. Someone told me last week, “It’s normal to doubt your choices because if you didn’t then you wouldn’t know if you made the right decisions.”

If you have anything to add to the list, please don’t hesitate. I am open to suggestions and advice.