'Every Child Deserves To Be Free And Safe In Their School': Letter

BASKING RIDGE, NJ — Basking Ridge resident Victoria Costa wrote this Letter to the Editor:

Dear Editor,

This past year, in our daughter's senior year, we were faced with circumstances that no other parent should have had to face in a community like Basking Ridge and, quite frankly, in any community.

Our daughter, a seasoned fencer, was part of the Ridge High Fencing Team for all four high school years with the last two years serving in the role of Captain. In her last year at the start of the season, one of her coaches, who was part of the fencing coaching staff for her entire team journey, was arrested for sexual assault of minors. This rocked our household like no other event had before and we are praying will never again. We, as parents, had the enormous task of having beyond-difficult conversations with our daughter and having her face very adult and heart-wrenching situations at the ripe old age of 17. Our first concern was for her safety as she was around this man weekly if not daily during a long season that spans from November through March. Secondly, we were fearful her friends and teammates could also be hurting. Additionally, as the captain, she was bombarded by questions and concerns from other team fencers both past and present as well as from other nearby schools since the fencing community in NJ is tightknit. Lastly was the endless guidance and support we gave our daughter from the pain and confusion of knowing and admiring a person who was being accused of these horrible actions.

We had been very involved in the fencing program in the high school, including serving on the Fencing Board in numerous roles and volunteering for all events. We had expected the school to support us in this traumatic situation just as we were supporting our daughter. However, we did not feel that support from the moment the news broke to present day. We felt that we needed to push the school into holding meetings and becoming more familiar with the facts which they thought they knew, but did not. Once the school somewhat addressed the issue, we turned to the Board of Education (BOE) to hold the school administration responsible for putting in better protocols for reporting assault, addressing assault and proactive informational sessions and teachings for all involved. We discovered that, when our daughter was asked by specialized school counselors regarding what she wanted them to do about the situation and her frustration about this responsibility falling on her shoulders, they were not qualified in handling these situations. Clearly, an alarming and unacceptable discovery for our family and our community.

From October through December 2021, we spoke at length at numerous BOE meetings to seek answers, created a robust PowerPoint presentation noting a timeline of events, and distributed it to the entire BOE. We requested a private meeting from the current BOE President and the past BOE President along with other members (excluding Mr. Khanna and Ms. Light since they were not yet a part of the Board) which was ignored and later lied about such a request being made. To this day, we know of no effort that was put forth from the result of this request and are saddened at their dismissiveness of taking this issue seriously and not making our children's safety and well-being a priority. For reference, whether this makes you feel uncomfortable or not, one out of every 5 girls and one out of every 6 boys is sexually assaulted over their lifetime. We can and should do better as a community. Our school district needs to assure parents that stricter protocols are in place to strongly deter an environment that enables predators and to respond to any situations that arise.

Please note that there is a BOE election on November 8th (same day as the general election). We are strongly supporting the replacement of the incumbent candidates and endorsing the team of Amin, Csipak, Molinari and Rascio. Every child deserves to be free and safe in their school. Any person (and those running on the same ticket) who dismisses parents’/volunteers’ legitimate concerns should NOT represent our children or the community as a Board member. Cast a vote with us for our kids and not for the status quo; our daughter and your kids deserve better!

Erin Weber and Victoria Costa