Workshop For Bloomfield Parents: Raising Teens In The Digital Age

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Helaina Altabef knows that raising children in a world completely uncharted by their parents and their generation can be challenging.

In her workshops, parents express shared concerns: How much screen time is too much? How do they help their kids engage with real life? And moreover, how do they teach them to problem solve and think for themselves?

Altabef, the founder of Tame the Teen, is partnering with the Bloomfield Municipal Alliance and the Bloomfield Department of Health and Human Services on a four-part workshop for parents addressing the challenges of raising teens in the digital age. The free one-hour sessions will be held at 7 p.m. Sept. 25, Oct. 2, Oct. 16 and Oct. 23 at Bloomfield Middle School.

Her goal is to empower parents with practical solutions and easy-to-understand resources for ending the battles, restoring connection and raising strong kids.

“Every parent I know wants what’s best for their kids, but they are also keenly aware that it’s a very different landscape than when they grew up,” said Altabef, a former educator, certified life coach and parent in Bloomfield. “Parents feel like they are losing influence over their kids. They know that their kids need guidance and role models, but screens are a big distraction.”

How big?

According to Common Sense Media, 59 percent of parents say their kids are “addicted” to screens, while 66 percent say their kids spend too much time on screens. Mobile media time for children aged 0-8 has tripled between 2013 and 2017, from an average of 15 minutes per day to 48 minutes per day. Excessive screen time can lead to obesity, sleep disorders, behavioral issues and a lack of social skills.

In the first three workshops, parents will learn how to set boundaries regarding screen time, improve communication with their teens and become aware of common mental health issues among adolescents. The final session will be a presentation by Dianne Grossman, whose 12-year-old daughter Mallory killed herself after months of being bullied by several classmates on social media and in school.

“There are various things parents can do that will help their teens open up and keep them in the loop,” Altabef said. “Communication is a big one. Many parents feel like they can’t get through to their kids. By changing our communication, we can improve the connection and cooperation at home.”

She knows that parents struggle to strike a balance between setting boundaries and maintaining a positive relationship. But she urges them to be aware of the issues their teens face. “Mental health has to be on your radar in the 21st century. We all need to notice the signs that our kids might need help.”

Altabef started Tame the Teen two years ago. She already had transitioned from the classroom to working one-on-one with middle and high school students. While helping students with their schoolwork, she learned their strengths and weaknesses and how to uncover their inner world. She started sharing her perspective with the parents about who their teens were as people.

She also saw the struggles of the families she worked with reflected in the media. "People were studying and writing about the same changes I was seeing in my work." She concluded that a program that helped parents adopt an authoritative style would be valuable.

“When you first have a child, you have resources to help you become a good parent," she said. “But in the teen years, which are famously tough, there is none of that. Unlike those early years of parenting, there isn’t time to learn about being a parent. You’re already one! I wanted to give busy parents resources for staying connected to their teens.”

And her workshops have shown that it’s not only teens who are isolated.

“A lot of parents of teens feel very alone," she said. "This program is really an opportunity to create hope and connection among families. It’s really hard to keep boundaries when you feel very out of control.”

Altabef said her teen years had a big impact on her life. She recalls the quest to become her own person and the stress that came with it. She also remembers her parents and mentors who helped her gain independence, find herself and work at what she wants.

“It was so redeeming to be understood at that time when everything else felt so awkward,” she said.

She said teens need structure and that really comes from their parents.

“When parents are educated and empowered, it improves the dynamic at home," she said. "I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But over a few months, you’ll start to see big changes in how you relate.”

For more information, visit www.tametheteen.com.

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