Parenting Post-Divorce/Martin Rosenfeld,Esq.

A recent article appeared at Mediate.Com on co-parenting children after a divorce. The author was Allison Pescosolido, M.A. The article was quite brief and written in the bullet-points style. One of the suggestions is of great importance and it deals with the need to share the parenting role. The following is an elaboration of the ideas found in the above post.

I often remind my clients that even after divorce, not all of their former roles will be legally changed. The couple, if they have children, will be co-parents for all time. I often accentuate this reality by putting a paragraph in the divorce agreement that both parents agree to do what they can to support the role of the “other” parent in what they do, what they say, etc.

Children appreciate consistency and prefer not to have surprises. It is helpful for them that they have more information than e.g. the fact that Dad will visit two days in the month. It is so much healthier for the children to know that Dad will come Fridays at 6 PM. Furthermore, if Dad cannot come at 6 PM he will give ample notice to Mom. The Co-Parents may not much care for each other, post-divorce, but their mutual concern for the children makes the flow of information about visitation of greatest importance.

Since children are the responsibility of both parents, it is important to share the updates on school progress, social issues, psychological well-being, etc. Email has taken the pain from virtually any communication. It is virtually a benign way of transmitting important information. The custodial parent should employ Email to keep the other parent advised on important issues. 

Children suffer from the divorce of their parents, if we believe virtually every study on this topic. Common courtesy and good parenting skills will ensure that the divorce will have minimal impact on the children of the divorcing couple. Indeed, this is how it should be. Children deserve the chance to enjoy their childhood as best possible. The divorce of parents should not take away this basic “right”.

Martin Rosenfeld can be contacted at: Rosenfeld@Juno.Com. He maintains a Family Law and Family Mediation practice in Fair Lawn,NJ.