A Little Holiday Humor

Working in Eldercare, sometimes you run across something amusing. Unfortunately, I was unable to locate the author’s name, but I would like to thank this individual for expressing his/her unique point of view on the aging process.

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SENIOR HEALTH MESSAGE

As I was lying in bed, pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s ass. It’s the tortoise life for me!

• If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
• A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is very fat.
• A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
• A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

I’m Retired. Go around me!

Senility Mantra: God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• Some days, you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
• I wish the buck stopped here, I could sure use a few.
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
• When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone have to be playing chess?
• It’s not hard to meet expenses … they’re everywhere.
• The older difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE …….????????

I go somewhere to get something,

And then wonder what I’m hereafter.

• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE …….????????