PRICELESS GIFTS!

As the world around us gets more and more frenzied looking for the "perfect gift" for family and friends for the holidays, some who have experienced the loss of a loved one are reflecting on other less tangible gifts they received in the past. During our December session of the grief counseling program, The Mourning After, that my husband Bob and I lead each month, we asked the group members a warm up question, "What are some of the most precious gifts the person that died gave you in their lifetime that didn't cost money?"

While the group was thinking and getting ready to share their answers with one another, Bob and I told about treasured gifts we were given. I started first by describing my mother Florence, who was a quiet and sometimes shy woman, who loved her children and family above all else. My other immediate family members, my father Irving and my sister Audrey also tended to be reserved. I learned I could garner positive attention in school and the community by singing, performing dramatically, and doing fine art work, even though no one else in my family did these things publicly. I can still see my drawings proudly displayed on the door of the refrigerator in our home in Brooklyn. I can hear my mother speak with pride about her talented daughter to neighbors. I knew that wherever and whenever I performed, Florence would be in the audience quietly beaming as I acted or sang on stage. Her encouragement and faith in me is something I have with me to this day. Whether I think about it consciously or not, I know it helped shape my self-esteem and confidence. I have tried hard to give my own children the precious gift of time and valuing their talents and interests as I had learned from my mother. And so this loving gift continues to be passed on from one generation to another. It tickled me to see my granddaughter Gabriella's two and one half year old drawings proudly displayed on the refrigerator door of her mommy and daddy's house.

Bob told the story of how, as a boy in Brewster New York, he would follow his father around the four acres of their family home. He watched how his father would lovingly plant the trees, flowers, berry bushes, and roses of his native landscape in Hungary, the country he had immigrated from in the 1920's. One type of planting was particularly fascinating. Bob shared how his father would transplant a young healthy wild fruit tree on their property and then graft the stock of a cultivated tree onto it. The combination of the wild and the hybrid stock created a stronger fruit-bearing tree. It was from this and many other experiences with his father that Bob learned to love and respect the many miracles of nature. This gift is something that brings him joy to this day. The gentle teachings of his father helped him not only understand how a garden grows but also what it takes for people to grow and thrive!

The members of the group listened to our stories and started to share the special gifts they had experienced with their loved ones and began to realize that the loving legacy continues through each of us that have been blessed with these precious gifts and that we can keep their spirit alive by continuing to give these gifts to others in our world. As usual, the group experienced laughter and tears but left feeling a little lighter and more connected to others who truly understood what they were feeling. They went home with more appreciation of how gifts that don't cost money can be the most priceless of all!

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For further information about The Mourning After, an offering by GIERS: Grief Information, Education & Recovery Services, a 501c3 nonprofit organization, co-directed by Bernice Garfield-Szita, MS, LPC, TEP and Bob Szita, MS, LPC, TEP, call 732-577-1076 or go to www.GIERS.org.