The Mourning After Grief Counseling Group Meets Monthly: Who Should Attend?

Each month a small group of people who have experienced the death of a loved one gather together at Center Playhouse, 35 South Street in Freehold, to share their experiences, listen with compassion, and support one another through the process of healing after a serious loss. My husband Bob Szita and I have professionally led The Mourning After bereavement group for over fifteen years with no charge to the public. The next meeting will be on Friday, February 7th from 11:30 – 1:30 pm.

Bereavement groups have many benefits and can be very helpful after a loss, but they’re not appropriate for everyone. Certain factors need to be considered. If a person is very private, it may feel too revealing during the vulnerable grieving experience to talk with people they do not know well. Men and women often have different ways to cope with their sadness although it is not 100%. Generally women seek others to share their sadness, find solutions, and try to feel less isolated. Men often try to handle their feelings and recovery on their own. They can feel it is a sign of weakness to allow others to see their pain or accept help during this difficult period. They may appear to be distant and cold as they work to keep everything locked inside and attempt to keep working as if nothing has happened. People of diverse cultural backgrounds can have very different ways to handle their grief. If the messages one received from one’s family and community said we should not talk with others who are not of our same background, no one can convince this person that a group of diverse people will be able to assist them.

Sometimes adult children will call us and inquire about the group for their elderly parent. We ask if the parent is able to attend on their own or perhaps, it would be helpful for a family member or friend to accompany the griever in the first sessions so that they feel more secure. This has been very successful for many of our group members over the years.

Most participants find the group experience extremely comforting but occasionally we have a person who is so upset by the loss that listening to others tell their experiences can feel overwhelming to them. In this circumstance, an individual counselor, clergy or friend might be a better solution.

People enter the group, which has an open format, when they are in need. It can be as early as a few weeks after a death to several years later when they are ready to handle some unfinished business about their loss. There is no required number of sessions to attend, but on average participants come for about six months to a year. During this period they may attend other groups as well and find different perspectives and skills wherever they go.

As professional counselors, Bob and I watch and assess the appropriateness of the group for whoever attends. Sometimes we find the need to suggest that additional medication may be needed to calm some of the more intense grief reactions. This is very rare however. The grief process can feel like a roller coaster for whoever is working their way through it.

We have learned over the many years of doing this special work there is no universal answer for all people healing from grief. We believe deeply in the positive effects a good group can have for participants but it is not the only way. It’s okay to come to a meeting and then decide it may not feel right for you or a friend or family member. We encourage whoever is interested in this group to give us a call on our helpline so we can decide together whether a group is a good idea for the griever.

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Bernice Garfield-Szita, MS, LPC, TEP and Bob Szita, MS, LPC, TEP are Co-Directors of GIERS: Grief Information, Education & Recovery Services, a 501c3 nonprofit organization. They bring over thirty years experience as Licensed Professional Counselors in private practice with a specialization in grief work.  They are well known as group leaders and trainers in crisis, trauma and hospice counseling.  The Mourning After bereavement program meets the 1st Friday of each month at Center Playhouse, 35 South Street in Downtown Freehold from 11:30 to 1:00.  For more information about individual or group counseling call 732-577-1076, email Info@GIERS.org or go to www.GIERS.org.