"Have we forgotten some secret we knew back when we were just children?"

One of my favorite songs is titled If I Had Wings, by Darius Rucker. I love the overall song but it is the lyrics that really get me every time- most notably, these:

"Why do we hate' Why do we suffer? Why do we make our mistakes and constantly blame one another? Why is there war and why is there killing? Have we forgotten some secret we knew back when we were just children?"

I always come back to the last sentence of that specific section as I feel that, as a people, we do not often go in the wrong direction but rather, are led there.

In psychology, there is a group of different terms that fall under the heading of Cognitive Bias. I have studied these biases for years, given both my interest in social psychology, as well as their role in my profession as a marketing technologist. "When we are making judgments and decisions about the world around us, we like to think that we are objective, logical, and capable of taking in and evaluating all the information that is available to us. The reality is, however, that our judgments and decisions are often riddled with errors and influenced by a wide variety of biases(1)." With respect to the current events surrounding our communities, I want to focus on a few, specific biases and share a few thoughts-

Cognitive Ease (aka Cognitive Fluency)

"Our comforting conviction that the world makes sense rests on a secure foundation: our almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance." —Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow

Essentially, this implies that if you tell somebody something they already know...they'll likely agree with you. Instead of thinking things through, we often rush to find comfort in what seems familiar.

Bandwagon effect

"The probability of one person adopting a belief increases based on the number of people who hold that belief. This is a powerful form of group-think and is the reason why meetings [of group efforts] are often unproductive(1)."

Confirmation bias

"We tend to listen only to information that confirms our preconceptions - one of the many reasons it's so hard to have an intelligent conversation about climate change(1)." Or in our case, the true intention and purpose of our fight.

Over the past few weeks, so many wonderful people have reached out to me, sharing different ideas on how we can all do our part to fight for our cause. I am humbled that anyone would want to get my opinion and felt compelled to respond with this post to share my thoughts on exactly what we need to do. Please consider, I'm not attempting to give direction here but rather, offer a few suggestions on where we need to go from here.

Most of the suggestions I received centered around one, consistent theme - 'sending a message.' The problem is that the biases I referenced above (among others) are real. They are not fictional, psychological nonsense. And the more we, as a community, attempt to 'send a message' the more we perpetuate these biases. In my previous few articles, I have tried so hard to remain focused on facts and observations, without any attempt to 'send a message' as I know (from personal experience) that it doesn't help our cause.

Please consider, if we look at the responses from those on the other side of this debate, I find it unfathomable that we would be considered the ones filled with hate. I could try to fight against this or can appreciate the fact that I will never make a dent in the way these folks look at the world. I have always believed that you can't change someone's mind...but rather, you can only inspire them to change their own. So, what do we do?

Historically, the media would be of benefit here, offering facts and information with which we can all formulate our own opinions. But the major publishers in our area have made me sick with their flagrant and irresponsible writing. They are so staggeringly one-sided, which is not the role media is supposed to play.

This means we are on our own and with that, I believe, as a community, we need to shift our focus. You may not like some of what I am writing but I cannot help but be honest in my opinion-

Stop talking about the Eruv- If we are successful at winning this lawsuit, the eruvin will only wind up being put back up at a later date. There has been too much progress on their side to believe otherwise.

Stand up to bigotry and anti-Semitism- Do your part. As I have previously stated, we can't legislate away hate. What are we doing at a community to educate our kids and express our acceptance and appreciation for each other's unique DNA? Putting up museums and displays achieve very little. These are symbols and as George Carlin once said, "I leave symbols to the symbol-minded." We need discussion, not symbols. I am not proposing there should be some lavish event, with tons of fanfare...I'm referring to a conversation at your dinner table.

To me, the events in Charlottesville this past weekend act as a reminder of how important it is to teach our kids about history. It is not enough to learn it in school. I feel they need an emotional connection with history which (I believe) can only be achieved from parents, siblings, etc. Our kids need to grow up learning and appreciating that hate has no place in our homes, communities, country, or hearts.

If you see anti-Semitic comments anywhere- Verbally, on social media...anywhere...respond with four words, "not in my town." State nothing else. We should ALL embrace these four words and in one voice, condemn such behavior and bigotry.

Hold the town council accountable- I have learned a lot about the town council in a very, very short amount of time and I want to preface the following by stating that it is only to a small degree that I trust any politician. However, I feel positive about most of our council members. We are fortunate to live in a town where our council is built upon an approach to governing that was created as a result of the Faulkner Act. This means that the town council has the final say on legislation, not the mayor. All of our energy...ALL of it, needs to be on pressuring the council to pass legislation. I am purposely not defining what that legislation should be, in my opinion, as I too do not want to give anyone ammunition against us. They need to have emergency meetings (which I believe they are) and must get the town attorney to expedite them. They also need to change their own rules whereas if a third-party (e.g. the Fire or Police Chief) need to review proposed legislation, for whatever reason, they must be at the council meeting when it is debated or they lose their chance. Town Council members need to get tough. There is far too much behind-the-scenes behavior going on and personally, I don't like it.

We need to make a clear statement to the council that we want legislation and we want it now. We need an organization (one that is established as an entity with the state) to collect signatures and submit them to the council. The signatures must represent what we are demanding as citizens and the needs for this to be approved by Labor Day. Yes, Labor Day.

Be fair to the council- My point above may seem like I am implying we should harass the council and that anything going on is their fault, etc. But I'm not attempting to do that, nor do I believe this to be the case. We need to offer a balance between ensuring they do their jobs, while also giving them the breathing room they need to do it.

The state needs to join the rest of us in the 21st century- Someone needs to fight at the state level to revise the laws that restrict the council from expediting the enforcement of legislation, faster. Needing to wait until it is printed in a newspaper reflects antiquated thinking and laziness by the state to keep up with the times.

Educate (don't influence) the non-digital community- We need to have visits with our senior community and/or others who do not have access to Facebook but allow me to stress...the intention needs to be to share information, not opinion. If we have anyone in the community who can lead that charge, this is of crucial importance.

Put the mayor on notice- There is clearly something going on with the mayor. His soft approach is very telling that he either lacks the backbone to fight for us or that he has someone steering the wheels for him in the background. I don't know which it is and don't care...but it needs to end. After observing his behavior over the past few weeks, I have a lot of reservations of our mayor. While I will defend I think he is a good man, I've raised my eyebrows just a few too many times these past few weeks and we need to come together and ensure he knows that he needs to either represent what we want, at the speed we want it or we will ensure to come together as a bloc vote in the next election and replace him.

I realize this isn't how we'd like it to be. But even when presented with facts, people do not change their stances. It is noteworthy that many of the people on the other side of this fight have lived in a non-secular, noninclusive world (despite their claims to the contrary) their entire lives. They simply do not know anything other than what they are told. They will believe what they do and based on the comments I have seen from them, the battle to inspire them to change their views would be more uphill than we likely should even attempt going.

To me, it comes down to this challenge and request to my fellow residents...it's all about the council! That's where our eyes should be laser-focused.

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1. https://www.verywell.com/what-...