Marital Murder-Suicides 'Incomprehensible,' Psychiatrist Says

The headlines have looked all too familiar in recent months, the stories constructed of like information: man shoots and kills wife in home before turning gun on himself.

Monday, Sept. 22 was the third such instance of a marital murder-suicide in Morris County since June. Morris County Prosecutor Fredric Knapp announced Thursday that Jay DeSombre shot and killed his wife, Cheryl, in their Roxbury Township home before turning the weapon on himself.

Only six weeks before that, authorities entered a Denville home to find the same grisly scene, this time with former Morris County Clerk Joan Bramhallthe victim, her husband John the person behind the trigger.

In June, Julian Knott did the same in his Jefferson Township home, killing his wife, Alita, before committing suicide.

Nearly 20 months ago, the same scene played out in a Parsippany home, when a former Caldwell police officer, Chester Andraka, shot and killed his wife, Rosaria, before taking his own life.

But why?

The answer isn’t easy to find, but it’s not inexplicable, either, according to psychiatrist Dr. Roger Granet of Morristown, a family therapist and college professor with more than 30 years experience.

“Marital violence is hard to predict and just as hard to understand,” Granet told Patch. “Violent tendencies are the hardest of all psychological disorders to predict, but data shows that 90-percent of marital violence comes from the man, and the majority of times the man is either white or white-Hispanic.”

Many of the relationships that reach those violent heights can be classified as ambivalent relationships, Granet said, with the couple showing extremely loving tendencies only to be countered by an abundance of anger.

“What goes on behind closed doors in unknown,” Granet said. “You can have a couple – a real salt of the earth kind – and things become very different in a therapist’s office when they open up.”

While still not justifiable, Granet laments that suicide can come from a number of avenues, including depression and other factors. “But first killing your spouse and then yourself,” Granet said, “it’s incomprehensible.”

Getting Help

What many with mental health issues don’t realize is that they have the right to receive medical help.

“It’s time to dismiss the shame associated with mental health issues,” Granet said. “These people have a right to be treated and to get the help they need.”

Risk factors, the psychiatrist points out, include a history of gun use and someone who may see no perceived value in their future. There could also be “a great deal of jealousy” involved, Granet said, and the person who ultimately commits such a crime may have come from an abusive childhood.

While it’s not easy to do, Granet implores those with issues to reach out and seek help. “Talk to someone, a family member, neighbor, clergy – anyone. Just start talking to someone,” he said.

Knapp was not available for comment on the incidents.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 800-273-8255. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 800-799-7233.

Patch File Photo: Chester and Rosaria Andraka, who died in a marital murder-suicide in Parsippany in January 2013.