The 3 Most Common and Costly Mistakes to Avoid in Divorce: When Forever After is Cut Short

Marriage is entered into with dreams of forever after. Yet, statistics show the average couple only has a 57 percent chance to achieve longevity–at least to their 15th wedding anniversary. That means 43 percent of couples will be divorced within 15 years.

When couples realize they’re not on the forever-after path, it can be a difficult and confusing time. While they relied on family and friends to help plan their wedding, when it’s time to unwind that marital unity, they often try and go it alone. 

Experts list divorce among the most stressful life events, second only to death. This is why you should surround yourself with a positive support system to help you cope.

There are many complex decisions and steps to make during your divorce, with many potential areas to make mistakes. Some errors are more costly than others, both financially and emotionally. In my extensive years as a divorce lawyer, these are three of the most common and costliest mistakes I often see repeated and each of them are avoidable:

1. Hiring the wrong lawyer–Yes, this may seem self-serving, but people who’ve hired the wrong lawyer will back me up on this. A national study showed that 70 percent of clients were unhappy with the lawyer they chose.
   
   Not knowing where to turn, many people often turn to lawyers they personally know but who don’t specialize in family law. Going to a familiar lawyer friend for help may seem like a practical solution. However, retaining the services of a professional who spends every day dealing with divorce will best capable of protecting you, your children and your future.
   
   Clients who feel vulnerable may feel emboldened by hiring very aggressive lawyers. Combative attorneys often drag out the process, drive up your fees, and can ultimately wreak an emotional toll on you and your family. Every divorce requires some kind of compromise by both parties–good attorneys will prepare you for this fact and help you establish reasonable and constructive goals. Be realistic. If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. 
   
   Don’t hesitate to interview several family law attorneys until you find someone who makes you feel comfortable and who truly listens to your wants and needs.
2. Being unprepared–Once you’ve found the right lawyer, it’s tempting to just hand everything over to them. But it’s important to do your part. Your lawyer will need you to produce many financial documents and records. Take the time to be thorough and provide the complete information requested in an organized fashion. If you just dump a box of documents in your lawyer’s office, you’ll end up paying by the hour for someone else to sort through it for you. Your divorce bill will be costly–don’t add to your legal costs by letting your attorney do your administrative work.
3. Underestimating the emotional impact on children – As overwhelming as divorce can be on parents, the effect can be worse on children.

 Here are three useful tips to reduce the toll your divorce will have on your children:

• Manage your emotions–Take whatever stress-relieving measures you need to keep your emotions in check. I suggest you keep up your exercise routine, make a point to stay in contact with friends, and seek out a therapist when necessary.
• Don’t involve your children in the conflict–Commit to shielding your children. If the other parent breaks this commitment, don’t engage in the battle in front of your children.
• Learn new communication skills–Many people, divorced or not, have never learned healthy and productive communication skills. Train yourself to accept and offer responsibility for your share of the problem. Focus only on the issue at hand, without dragging in every other thing the person has done in the past to upset you. This can be an opportunity for you to become a better parent and strengthen your bond with your children.