Brightline psychologist with new Albany family mental health clinic on tips to ease back-to-school anxiety

The beginning of a new school year can be an extremely stressful time for some kids. The same goes for the parents and caregivers helping them navigate all the "firsts" and the feelings that surround them. Compounding the back-to-school stress is that many children may experience feelings that they simply don’t have the language for just yet. This may show up as a slow morning routine that turns into a battle, homework that goes unfinished, sudden shyness or quietness around old friends, or – in some cases – a refusal to go to school altogether.

It’s important to remember that a child’s behavior is a form of communication. So, meltdowns, withdrawals, or avoidance can be signs that a child feels overwhelmed, anxious, or some other big emotion. There could be many contributors to these emotions: the new routine, unfamiliar teachers, or other social pressure just to name a few. In these moments, it can also start to feel quite overwhelming for the caregivers who are trying to get out the door while also trying to make sense of what their child is going through.

If you find yourself in this situation, the first step you want to do is to be mindful of your own emotional state. Take a pause yourself, check in with your thoughts, and think about what values you want to hold at the forefront as you respond to your child.

Next, if your child is experiencing a big emotion, start by validating how they are feeling. Repeat back what they say (something like “you’re feeling overwhelmed, I hear you” or offer what they might be experiencing based on the clues you are seeing (“it seems like you might be feeling worried about school this morning. I can understand that”). You might guess wrong here and that’s ok –- they will correct you (remember, only they really know how they’re feeling).

Keep in mind that all feelings are ok and part of the human experience. We’re conditioned to think feelings like anxiety are wrong. But instead, think of it like this: Anxiety is like our body’s smoke detector. It’s designed to protect us, but sometimes burnt toast sets it off instead of an actual fire. A tummy ache before school or a meltdown over the wrong shoes might actually be a false alarm. Our job isn’t to push these feelings away. Our goal will be to ride the wave of the emotions while doing the things we need or want to do. These actions help to retrain the alarm system.

When your child is in a calmer moment, get curious with them about what they might be thinking in these situations. If they’re having a hard time, you can offer up some ideas like “some kids might be worried about what others are thinking about them or about doing a good job at school or about making sure they get back to their parents at the end of the day. Do any of those sound like you?” You can help them imagine thought bubbles coming out of their heads in the hard moments to help them tease through the difference between thoughts and feelings (like “I was thinking ‘I’ve never done this before and I might mess up’ and then I felt nervous”). Our goal isn’t to provide blanket reassurance here but to help them become critical consumers of their own thoughts

As you then approach the hard parts of the school day again, make a plan to help them break down approaching the situation(s) in smaller steps (they might attend the whole day, but seeing the day as a series of small steps can help them stay rooted in accomplishments rather than all-or-nothing thinking). Reward their steps to approach rather than avoid, focusing on praising efforts rather than a perfect job

One of the simplest pieces of advice (that, admittedly, can be difficult to remember) is that kids take their emotional cues from adults around them. This means that when they see a parent model healthy coping skills like reminding themselves of more helpful thoughts and doing something even though it's hard, it teaches a child that big, scary feelings can be overcome.

Albany-area parents navigating back-to-school stress or any other parenting challenges now have a resource with the opening of Brightline’s pediatric and family mental health clinic. Brightline brings in-person and virtual therapy, psychiatry, and psychological testing to a region that has long faced a shortage of youth mental health providers.

The Albany location joins Brightline's existing clinics in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Long Island, and Westchester, offering families in-network access to care for kids and teens up to age 18. Brightline's Albany clinic is located at 9 Washington Square, #7. More information is available at brightline.com.