Sharon Roth and the Dangers of the "Perfect Life" Ideal

The "perfect life" is something that many aspire to, but often don’t have a concrete idea of how it would be attained. What is it – and how do we get there? Or even more to the point, is this something we should even aspire to?

Recent studies have shockingly ranked America as one of the “unhappiest” countries in the world. Why?

The answer would surprise many. According to the study, we as Americans place more value than most on our own happiness, on the seeming perfection of our own lives.

It goes without saying that this is a mission slated for failure from the get-go. The constant pressure – not to mention a less-than-fulfilling self-absorption – is hardly a recipe for lasting bliss. And not only is perfection an objectively impossible goal, but most of us have no idea what “perfect” might look like for them. Aside from the fact that the term itself is a problem, the issue with even defining it arises from the fact that the very word "perfect" has a very different meaning for different people. Given the varying nature of our goals, passions, and tendencies, we are all aware that each and every one of us has different views on the world. Consequently, what we may deem "perfect" will almost always be someone else's average. And more often than not, so wrong for us in reality that if we were given a sneak preview of how that vision would actually play out we would never even want it to begin with.

When someone is attempting to live the "perfect life" as depicted by pop culture and the busy New York social scene – or as expected by whatever community they may have grown up in - they are prioritizing norms over their own desires. But even if they succeed in achieving prominent status, the pressure in New York City or anywhere else to maintain the image of “success” and “happiness” never goes away – in fact it continues to mount. And this is where the public eye can facilitate loneliness and isolation.

According to Sharon Roth, writer, editor, President and Creative Director of WriteNow, a Manhattan-based branding company, we all need to make a concerted effort to look beyond the façade – for ourselves and for others - particularly in our social media-obsessed age. In addition to her years of helping clients express themselves and her own articles about American and New York culture, Sharon Roth speaks from experience as one who grew up in a well-known family with a developmentally disabled and autistic sibling whom her family cared for well, but had trouble speaking about – and learned early on the importance of listening internally rather than constantly pushing for perfection.

“It’s fine to put up a strong public front at times,” she advises. “But when your public persona begins to diverge dramatically from how you feel in private, it creates an unimaginable isolation that can become dangerous.”

One that can easily spiral, she adds, as the problem of “tainting” your personal image of perfection becomes paramount. And you stop listening to yourself and your deeper needs, while – perhaps – you fear the potential judgement of others whom you worry will see you as “less accomplished” if you’re sad or anxious, or even worse – that you have “no right” to feel unwell given your outward success, money, looks, homes, etc. “Don’t worry about what people are saying or what you see online. That’s not your real universe,” she counsels. “Find out what brings you joy and go for it.”

We see this play out time and time again amongst celebrities, models, actors and actresses, and most recently and tragically beloved fashion icons – and true artists - like Kate Spade. The string of high profile mental health issues affecting such names as Johnny Depp, Kate Spade, Heather Locklear and Anthony Bourdain has been a source of both inspiration as well as contagion. It is important to use this current public attention as a positive tool to educate others about the threat of the isolation our “culture of perfection” easily creates – along with severely exacerbating the depression and anxiety that plagues so many today.

Emotional Vulnerability Awareness

Clinical depression is a condition that annually affects over three million people in the U.S. Anxiety and bipolar disorder affect even more. This is exacerbated by the terrible fact that people who fall victim to an emotional crisis often feel they need to deny it. Many in our culture do not realize how emotional vulnerabilities are as real - and as physical – as “medical ones” – and in fact often accompany a sensitivity and talent that no one should be ashamed of. This is why so many are now advocating to raise awareness and remove stigmas that are making millions of people in untold agony just feel worse – and leaving them with no socially acceptable recourse for help.

Sharon Roth, along with many others, devotes a great deal of her time to helping raise awareness for both disability and mental health issues. Please familiarize yourself with the warning signs, she urges. If someone close to you is suddenly withdrawn, exhibiting erratic behavior or in general acting completely out of character, don’t immediately take offense or write it off as a bad day – but take every step to find out if they are really ok. If you or someone you know is experiencing signs of anxiety or depression, contact a medical professional in your area to seek help. You can find general information from Mental Health America, or in an emergency you can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline.