Are You a Good Person Stuck in a Bad Relationship?

Have you ever wondered how a nice, honest, and kind person like yourself ended up in a toxic relationship? You’re a reasonable person and smart enough, right? Then how is it that you’ve made some really dumb choices as far as relationships go?

It’s never to late to change your life. A new year has just begun and it’s as good a time as any to break away from your toxic partner and let the universe guide you to a better, happier relationship.

Before you can do this, you’re going to have to figure out how you got into this mess in the first place, and what are some of the personality traits you possess that are keeping you trapped in an unhappy relationship.

Listed Below are 6 So-Called Good Traits that Keep You Tied to the Devil You Know

1)You’re a Fixer: You believe that if you love someone, and if you help this person, and if you give him or her enough chances, then eventually this person will get it right. Wrong! There are people who just won’t be fixed in this lifetime. I call them “the Unfixables.” They’re the narcissists who see the world through a self-serving lens and they believe their lies. These kinds of people are highly judgmental of others, and they’re never accountable for their behaviors. If you’re with someone like this, and if he or she has addictions on top of the above stated traits, run for the hills. You are not changing this person, no way, no how. “They know not what they do,” and if you choose to stay with this person, just know you’re in for a life of hell. My best advice to you is this: Acknowledge that you may still love this person, and you may love him or her for the rest of your life, but you have fallen out of liking this person, and it’s time to move on. Try to do it with as little drama and trauma as possible, but just know that “Unfixables” tend to be drama kings and queens. Stick to the issues at hand and don’t get sucked back into the addictive nature of this toxic relationship.

2)You Don’t Know How to Punish Anyone: Stop thinking that everyone is like you and knows right from wrong. Stop interfering with the Law of Karma. People screw up, after awhile, they have to clean up their own mess. Stop carrying crosses that are not your own. Love yourself the way you love your children or other people that you care for. Ask yourself: What would I tell my beloved child or friend to do in this situation? If the answer to that question is: I would tell them to save themselves and get away from this person as soon as possible. Then that is exactly what you need to do.

3)You are Loyal to a Fault: You’re a person of your word and you always try to honor your vows and commitments. But this person was the prince or princess who became the beast and you had no idea what you signed on for. This is a fraudulent contract and you have a right to walk away. You might have to do this despite unearned guilt. Good people are plagued with guilt, while bad people have no guilt whatsoever. Go figure??? God sees to your intention. Your intention in walking away is self-preservation, self-love, and to teach this person that bad actions have negative consequences.

4)You Forgive too Easily and Too Often: Jesus said you forgive 7 times 70 times, which is 490 times. He didn’t say a gazillion times. When it comes to “Unfixables,” you easily have forgiven them that many times in a year. True forgiveness means that people recognize their wrongdoing. They say that they are sorry and they mean it. They make amends to you. They seek help to stop doing these destructive things, and then they actually stop doing them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. If you think this person will continue hurting you, then you can forgive the person, but not his or her actions and walk away in peace.

5)You See the World Through Rose-Colored Glasses: You like to see the good in everyone and you bring out the best in people. You give them the benefit of the doubt, and you don’t trust your gut that keeps telling you something isn’t kosher here. Learn to see the good, bad, and ugly of people. Once you’ve thrown away the blinders and rose-colored glasses, you will see your partner for who he or she really is, and you will find the courage to walk away and never look back.

6)You are a People Pleaser: Good people tend to want everyone to like them, even people they don’t particularly like. Get over needing or wanting everyone to like you. Stop making excuses for abuse. Stop stuffing down your feelings. Speak your truth. Stick to the facts and don’t get emotional about it. Let the truth set you free. “Unfixables” hate when you call them on their nonsense. They will twist and turn the truth, push all your guilt buttons, blame you and everyone else for everything, and just plain old lie right to your face. When you stop making peace at any price and assert your human rights, all hell can break out with “Unfixables.” Once again, stay calm, speak up, and get the hell out of this toxic mess. Let “Enough is enough” be your mantra.

Take some time this year to get to know yourself and analyze the personality traits that you possess that make you a magnet for louses, lowlifes, and liars. Stop playing victim and start taking the necessary actions to free yourself from a toxic love affair. If there are children involved, just remember – you are doing them a great disservice by staying in a toxic relationship. You’re showing them a bad version of love. Unfortunately one that they are likely to duplicate; or they could end up being totally terrified of love, because they never want to find themselves stuck in a terrible relationship that they don’t know how to get out. It’s up to you to show your children that love isn’t pain, suffering, and martyrdom: love is peace, joy, and happiness.

Your heart is your compass, and if your heart is guiding you out of the relationship, then ultimately that is what’s best for everyone. Learn to stand on your own two feet for a bit, and then let the universe guide you toward a healthy and happy relationship.

Cindi Sansone-Braff, the Romance Whisperer, talks with the dead to show you how to live well and love better. She is an award-winning playwright and has a BFA in theatre from the University of Connecticut. She is the author of Grant Me a Higher Love and Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships. Visit her web site at: http://www.grantmeahigherlove.com.