Political Humor: If Bernie Sanders Was Running for EH Supervisor

This is just a stab at political satire and humor. The piece is about the what if’s, if Bernie Sanders ran for East Hampton Town Supervisor. After hearing Bernie rail every night about the 1%, the thought occurred to me he might be just who the locals of East Hampton Town need to run their town.

Imagine Bernie holding events on Lily Pond Lane and Further Lane, or a rally on a Maidstone Golf Course fairway! The optics would be amazing! He would be saying, “All the wealth in this country and specifically in this town has flowed up from the middle class to the 1%,” (then he would point at the ocean front mansions some with values around $100M) and put up both his hands and continue,” they should be paying a premium to support the schools, roads, police and town workers of East Hampton instead of just helicoptering in to use the ocean beaches as if they owned the land.”

Bernie might also say, “the deMenil property was on the books for $6M but sold for something like $106M and then they donated the buildings that became EH Town Hall for a tax deduction” this would illustrate his theme of the imbalance of the growth of wealth over the last few years. Then Bernie might smile and add, “Don’t get me wrong, I love the historic town buildings they remind me of Vermont.”

Perhaps he would then say, “The 1% should be paying for all the East Hampton’s leaves to be picked up. Have you ever seen any 1%er picking up leaves? No because all the money they made, through lobbyist and insider trading pays for their private garbage collection and gardeners!” Now comes the zinger! “No wonder Hillary Clinton loves to spend summers here, she never picks up leaves and she loves to hang out with all the folks in the 1%!”

He could close saying, “As for the cost of college education for the children of East Hampton, a fund should be created by charging all the free weekly’s like “Dan’s Papers” and the “Independent,” a fee for every paper printed and left in allies and stands all over town. Almost all of these papers end in the EH Town trash cans and the Town pays for them to be taken away! And we know the owners of those papers are 1%ers!”

This is never going to happen but I needed a laugh and break from this intense political cycle. Perhaps my next attempt will be, “If Trump WAS the EH Supervisor!”