Pirates of the Car Pool Lane

America is the only place in the world where we seem to go hunting on a full stomach, unless of course people are on the hunt for a new job, which sadly seems to be one of the biggest pastimes here on Long Island in recent years.                  

No matter how old I get, the local government here still seems to amaze me. It also seems to confuse, confound and annoy me simultaneously as well. Following it is like being forced to watch some crazed Disney pirate movie sequel.  

Mr. Mangano, the current captain of the ship called Nassau County, seems to think that the best way to sail our ship in these rough waters is to make a portion of his crew walk the plank at regular intervals and then to offer a chosen few a life preserver and pull them back on board. He thinks that this will instill loyalty to the boarding party and get each crewmember saved to do the job of three members that he left to drown or get eaten by sharks.

Captain Mangano was able to do this, not by reaching for the booty in his county treasure chest, but apparently from the loose change he found under the couch cushions in his office.

His first mate, Mr. Walker, will say disturbing things in the captain’s defense in public like, “Hey look, we found some extra dollars after the fact in places we didn’t look before. (Hear that NIFA?) You don’t always have to be the best or even number one. Being #2 can get the job done too. Just remember that the #2 pencil is the most used most efficient writing implement on the planet.”

Somehow, him saying things like this doesn’t make me feel any better seeing as how there are only two counties on all of Long Island.
Captain Mangano seems to be a renegade who reneges on treaties made in good faith with other captains of other fleets. He will give presents with one hand and then try to take them back at a later time, crying poverty and unfairness all the way out to sea and to any potential crew member that will listen. He seems hell bent to thin our law enforcers, some of whom have been remanded to spend time on our highways to catch illegal drivers in the car pool lane and not once will he listen to good ideas for gaining untapped gold and jewels.

There are also some that would involve the cameras on our highways and using them to catch those unlawful poolers with a video instead of a chase and those dangerous motorcycling white liners too.

Some of the crew that has left the ship have landed in lifeboats and made it to shore. This is evident in the case of John Ciotti, who has come ashore at NUMC making enough money to support six or seven county employees and their families. It seems that the ships parrots and allies can fly the coup and get more for their prior allegiances than just a cracker.

In the meantime, other crewmembers stand steadfast and secure the sails trying to protect our ship from the impending storms and whirlpools without an ounce of credit. The deck can get slippery when wet and these good souls can hit the poop deck with amazing force and be thrown overboard before their work is done.

There are some of the crew who have been at this along time and seem too set in their ways and would be best served if they were left on a desert island somewhere off Jones Beach before they redistrict us to death. Others are bound and determined to try new trade routes and seek new people to trade spices with. Some of the people in office have courted such chain traders as Cracker Barrel, Joe’s Crab Shack, Hardees, Fire & Ice Mongolian Grill, Tim Horton’s and Senor Frogs to come and set up shop here in spaces like the Source Mall in an effort to bring in barrels of opportunity.

Others have dismissed these attempts as futile and self-serving propaganda.

Meantime our fearless leader at the helm can’t get our ducks in a row enough to make a solid plan for the Hub, the arena or the surrounding area. Maybe he can find a competent developer hiding under his couch cushions too. And for the life of me, I wish these events, based on a scary ride, would end soon so we could get back to normal.  

Well, Shiver me timbers!