Always By Your

The carpet is off white. I didn’t select it. It had been installed before I moved in.

The apartment is not spacious. Consequently, each and every crumb is immediately apparent on the pale floor covering.

We are never prepared for bad news. At least I have never been, and when I got the email telling me about one a loved one’s serious illness I was distraught.

Immediately I thought about him, her Father. “If only he was here,” the litany began as my thoughts raced wildly.

“He would fly there, and help. I can’t do that. If only he were here.”

And of course, he couldn’t be. My husband, my love, and her beloved Dad had been called away by his Maker ten years ago.

His memory doesn’t just linger. It really never quite disappeared even though his physical presence has. But this time I needed more than a memory. At least that’s what I thought I needed.

I reread the email with the unexpected alert about impending treatment and finished my coffee. Placing the cup in the dishwasher I turned back and noticed something lying on the pale carpet next to the bed.

I knew I hadn’t been in the bedroom within the last few hours, and as I approached closer, I saw the small gold leaf in the middle of the carpeted floor.

When I picked it up, I remembered the night he had given it to me. It was thirty years ago on an evening when he had returned from a week of business meetings in Canada. I recall him handing it to me, just a small white box with the gold maple leaf pin inside, as we stood in the kitchen drinking coffee.

Immediately I opened the box, and after admiring the lovely gift, put it aside while we ate dinner. Later that evening I carefully put the gold pin into my wooden jewelry box.

However, I seldom wore it. I don’t even remember why, but throughout the years my husband had given me many pieces of jewelry that I preferred. This one, for some obscure reason, did not fall into that category.

Yet, here it was in a small apartment we had never shared, and he had been unable to visit.. I knew it had not been there earlier, nor had I dropped it. I don’t even remember including the small gold pin with my other jewelery when I finally departed from the home we had shared for 57 years.

The moment I picked it up, I saw that it was intact. Nothing was broken or scratched or bent, but absolutely intact.

Then I knew that was the message he had sent for both his beloved child and me..

Our love remains intact, and I remain always by your side