A Forgotten

Sadly, it is one of my first memories, fear.

There were a multitude of reasons during the early years of life, but the kind concern of my wise and amazing Father helped ease the consuming emotion to a great degree.

Of course, it never totally evaporated. Odd things always caused it to erupt like a simmering volcano.

Then I met Him, the young man who took my hand on a dark night, and held it for the next 57 years.

Occasionally, I would feel a sliver of the unwanted suffocating sensation. Quickly, I would reach out and he would always be there.

Of course, nothing is forever, and my world changed dramatically in 2008 when he left on his final trip.

Since then, there have been brief moments of unease, but never real panic.

The love I received from both men seemed to have built a firewall protecting me from foreboding,

However, it has now re-emerged and not because of the dark, or spiders, heights or even crowds..

No, it arrived again as I watched the two televised debates.

I watched all four participants and thought,

“One of them will soon lead our country. He or she will make decisions that will affect not only me, but everybody I know and love. ”

And the sensation of panic I thought had left forever gripped me tightly in a vise, and yes, I was afraid.

I am not a political person. I have not registered for either party. I do read, listen and carefully follow both ongoing political campaigns. I have never missed an opportunity to cast my vote.

Yet today I wonder?

Weren’t Americans watching?

Didn’t we realize what was at stake?

Then I knew the dreaded dark shaft of fear I once barely remembered, had returned.