I Didn’t Always

I was taught by my Mother to do as I was told

I didn’t always obey.

And I thought I did less and less as time flew by.

Now I wonder.,

Mom was strong, vibrant and startlingly beautiful. She believed strongly that a woman never “lets go of herself”. And that included maintaining her coiffure. I recall her admonition, “When a woman lets go of her hair, she is finished,.”

And so to this day, precisely thirty years after we said adieu on a bleak January day. I maintain my hair. While I never dared to questioned the reason, her hair color remained the color of indigo. So, I maintain my lighter color but only with the expertise of Trevor who performs magic weekly.

And yes I read a lot. Mom was an incessant reader, not of hard covered books, they were far too costly, But magazines and every NY newspaper that was ever published. My IPad library is extravagant, and I know she would approve. She was blissfully happy surrounded with the daily tabloids late in the evening when the family had retreated to bed.

Mom was an incessant letter writer. Every member of the family got them on a regular basis. In the beginning hand written. Later in life when she obtained a typewriter, the volume increased. Some were welcome; others opened with a dread. She was not always gentle in her criticism, and often out spoken to a fault especially after a visit. Yet the honesty never wavered. I kept my letters tied with a poppy red silk ribbon for years after she left, and then I shredded them. I don’t know what happened to the others she sent, and wonder if I should have kept mine. Perhaps to remind me of the value of integrity in what you believe.

I seldom write letters, but I have done a weekly blog for over five years. Is there a difference?

Mom and I clashed often. Her anger was verbal and sometimes, brutal. My anger is shrouded in silence, and life has taught me that is far crueler.

Our Mother was taught never to abandon her siblings. My sister, Ellen, and I resisted perhaps viewing the burden life had placed upon her,. I believe now that is because she allowed us a freedom she never enjoyed.

Mom never lived alone. I wonder if she had wanted at some point to enjoy the comfort of solitude, but I will never know. She never shared that with me. Yet I have succeeded in lonliness only because I remembered her strength.

I was taught by my Mother to do as I was told

I didn’t always obey.

But

Today I no longer wonder since Anna King Donlon set a standard for her oldest daughter that has never diminished.

Mama, I am eternally grateful.