A Long Forgotten

We were the Donlon girls.

The three of us shared the same parents and for one brief moment in time we lived in the same household. Apart from that, the Donlon girls were quite different.

We made distinctly different choices; lived separate lives, and had no friends in common. We shared neither physical nor personality similarities.

Our adult lives were spent in different parts of the country, and no one could ever have accused us of being inseparable.

Still we shared, remembered and occasionally. giggled about the one edict we all heard early in childhood from our brave, but strong, Mother.

“Never embarrass me.”

I never asked either of my sisters exactly what fell into the perimeters of Mom’s dogma. Occasionally I wondered if being seen with a snag in my hose or mismatched clothing fell into the category of embarrassment. Admittedly, I still feel a tinge of guilt when encountered sans makeup.

Mom never explained. She merely expected her “three girls” not only to obey, but comprehend. She rarely welcomed questions and definitely never believed in explanations and/or apologies.

Yet as I recall her almost forgotten edict, I realize for three distinct reasons all three daughters broke the oft quoted rule quite early in life.

I was the first offender. I married giving the family a mere two weeks’ notice, eliminating the usual banns read aloud at 11 o’clock high Mass. Making my violation even more visible, I married “Outside of the neighborhood,” and obviously, not to an Irish lad.

The family barely recovered from my transgression of the neighborhood “norm” when my younger sister, Ellen, also caused shock waves in the family..

My confident sister quit her job. Despite her youth (21) she believed it possible to more forward in the business arena. Her decision was not only viewed with horror, but inexplicable. It was a time and place when a female was expected to be grateful for any employment.

Of course, the second Donlon girl, had not only wisdom but foresight. Within a week of unemployment my wise sister secured a far better position where her abilities were recognized for the next decade. Still we both remember the family shock when she announced her radical decision.

The youngest Donlon daughter, far more emancipated than either of her older sisters, was also decidedly more adventurous. She made a choice to leave the family household as an unmarried woman choosing instead to maintain an independent home.

Her youthful determination was viewed with utter negativity by many parents at that time and place. The familiar quote was, “An unmarried womanl only leaves her home with a veil, either for marriage or a cloister.”

Mary headed to neither, choosing rather to share a midtown apartment with a college friend. While hardly a cause for gossip or controversy in 2020, it caused a Tsunami of disapproval during that time long gone by.

We seldom spoke of our choices, my sisters and I. Occasionally, we would giggle while remembering. However, this week as our country gave homage to the heroines of the suffrage movement, I remembered our Mother.

I wonder who taught her never to embarrass “The Family.” I do think despite her initial shock at my unorthodox wedding, my sister’s career choice and her youngest daughter’s decision to emancipate, she was secretly thrilled.

After all, with her own subtle silence, she taught us a lot more than “Never embarrass the family.’. She taught us strength and self confidence because she exemplified both. Her example became a lasting inheritance for the three Donlon girls.