No End In

I abruptly realize this has been the longest journey I have taken in a lifetime already chock full of surprises.

On a cloudy October afternoon when my love and I stood together in a small chapel pledging our love, neither of us had a vision of the amazing journey we were beginning together.

We traveled to oh, so many places. Some were fun; others a bit formidable, and each unique. We sat together in a small hospital in Caracas, and waited for daylight in an even smaller bar in Anchorage.

When we said our final goodbye, it was in a hospital in a small town called Bethpage.

That was the moment when I truly believed my traveling days had ended along with so very many other things.

Yet when 2020 erupted with the power of a cyclone named Covid 19, I began the longest trip of my life.

For close to six months, half a year, I have been in what is euphorically called lockdown. It doesn’t mean I am uncomfortable, far from it. Nor does it mean that I am hungry or ill. Not at all.

What it does mean is that I cannot have my amazing Grandson, Will, spend Sunday with me. We have not seen each other since February of this challenging year.

Of course, we communicate via the miracle of Facetime. However, I no longer feel the comfort of his presence or hear his calm voice instructIng me kindly on a moment in history that I have forgotten.

I once believed I learned to live alone after his Grandfather, my Anam Cara, left this earth. However, my current journey is quite different, and provides a lesson in many things.

I have learned that loneliness is not unendurable. I have learned the virtue of patience. I have discovered a sense of placidity hitherto unknown.

I hope I have finally learned to comprehend the validity of acceptance.

And yes, despite the date on my birth certificate, finally, I have been introduced to wisdom.

My lengthy journey with Covid 19 and all its implicit horrors has taught me many things.

I have had time to dwell on the unacknowledged gifts I have accepted without gratitude, i.e., the ability to open a door and walk into the sunlight.

I have begun to appreciate the miracle of free will allowing choices, both positive and negative.

I have discovered how much the ability to touch a loved one can heal a broken heart. I now treasure the emotional stability of caregivers, both political and in the world of health.

I understand the need to be realistically responsible for maintaining my body, both with exercise and menu choices. I view with clarity the negative results of unnecessary conflict denying contact with both loved ones and mere acquaintances.

I admit that while I am quite vulnerable, both in age and ability, I am stronger than I knew.

I contritely acknowledge that I needed most of the lessons I have learned on this lengthy, unexpected journey that continues with no visible end in sight.

Yet,, I must confess I will be filled with joy when it arrives.