Plus Ca

The phrase does not belong to me.

Still it seemed to leap out of the pages of the NYT this morning with the speed of a gazelle and embed itself in my heart.

I immediately thought, “This is me,” as I read the words,

“The loss of children to distance”

Wistfully as I watch extended families when they gather routinely for Sunday brunches and embrace great grandchildren, I have been negligent in comprehending there are others also standing nearby alone.

Today’s clarity of expression by an unknown author raised my overdue awareness that my feelings are not unique, but this emotion is a common area of distress for many others.

We were the Good Housekeeping parents, more than a bit proud of our efficiency and ability to juggle families, careers and anticipations. We felt more than a mite smug as our boisterous teenagers left for academies and ivy league colleges with unexpected velocity.

We delighted in describing their travels and welcoming new friends from other regions of the country to share vacations and holidays. We were educated in the empty nest syndrome, and knew it would never affect us. Of course not, we were not only well educated, but also,quite well adjusted.

Or so, we thought until like so many other unexpected lessons life teaches, we quickly learned the reality of “loss of children to distance.”

There have been moments, I must admit, to fleeting moments of self pity until I remember words once spoken to me by a wise clergyman, “God only loans a child to a parent for care. You will never own them. Don’t try.”

That sage counsel evoked the memory of my own four Grandparents who left :”The old country” as teenagers to seek their fortune. Obviously they were well aware that their departure was also a final goodbye to the parents who had nutured and loved them.

There was no email or face time or long distance telephone privileges to sustain even a semblance of contact in those years.

I never really thought about that before today, but now I know I should have never forgotten John-Baptiste Alphonse Karr’s oft quoted phrase:

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose