Sleep Well

It would be untrue to say we were best friends.

Because we weren’t.

The last time we were together, she announced loudly, “I’m glad I’m not you.”

That hurt because I have always been rather glad that I’m me.

So no, we didn’t seek each other’s company, yet our paths continued to merge because of the friends and common interests we shared.

Yesterday I learned she had gone on to her reward, and I found myself weeping. I felt a void when I realized I would never see her again or hear her honest opinions about oh, so many things.

We shared a friend who had become incapacitated during the last decade. She was the constant caregiver, always there, never neglecting to offer time, transportation and just kindness.

I wasn’t able to offer that solace. I would have liked to, but for more than a few reasons it was both physically and emotionally impossible. Beyond my scope as a friend or fellow human being. She didn’t understand my frailty. Perhaps I don’t either, but it is a reality.

We had traveled around the world together. There were moments of total laughter, a few scares in airplanes, great meals, and always as ever with 38 women, amazing humor. Occasionally, we found each other in a unique shop debating on what our budgets allowed us to purchase. One sunny afternoon shopping in a St. Moritz jewelry boutique, we both chose the identical rings. I still wear mine occasionally, and when I have, I always wondered if she still had hers. I hope she enjoyed it as much as I have..

We never disliked each other; we just didn’t really understand each other. I moved away over two years ago, and kept in contact with many of my other fellow travelers, but not her. She would have been surprised if I had.

And that’s why when I heard the news yesterday, I wondered about my own incredible deep sense of loss.

After thinking about her now for the last 24 hours, I understand my emotion.

She was a truly good woman, inspiring in her dedication to a long time friend. She was always totally honest, something quite rare when today we all wear politically correct masks. She didn’t understand me or my choices and was outspoken in her opinion. I appreciated that even when I was offended. Her viewpoint was valid and understandable.

There was never pretense in her facade, nor any dishonesty. A rare and beautiful combination, and I was blessed to know and walk part of my journey in her presence.

Sleep well, good lady! You are missed already.