Te Deum and

I wasn’t asked to do it, I just volunteered spontaneously. A habit of mine that constantly gets me into difficulty.

My friend had been asked to contribute dessert for a fund raising potluck dinner. Alice is an amazing woman, intelligent and caring, but loathes cooking. Baking happens to be one of the things I reluctantly abandoned when I relocated.

Consequently, as we were finishing our coffee and sitting across from each other yesterday, and I heard her concern, I immediately said, “Oh, I will make the cakes. I enjoy baking. Don’t worry about it.”

I should have realized her shocked expression wasn’t pleasure or gratitude, but rather wondering how to politely reject my offer. We are good friends. Still one never knows how elastic the boundaries holding a relationship together really are, especially when saying,

“No, thanks,” for anything.

That was yesterday, and as soon as I returned to my apartment, I opened my online recipe box. I instantly found exactly what I thought would be an ideal dessert to prepare and contribute to the event. I chose the NYT Apple cake. When It emerged from my oven earlier this morning, I was quite pleased with the result; two round cakes flecked with chopped apples and pecans.

Admittedly, I also felt just a twinge of self righteousness. I had done my good deed for the day and could now relax for the afternoon enjoying a new Scandinavian mystery. First, however, I decided to call Aliice and tell her, the cakes were cooling and ready to be delivered.

I quickly perceived that not only were the cakes cooling, but so was her reaction. My friend sounded dubious and unsure about quite how to tell me. She did not want the succulent apple cakes. She explained she hadn’t expected me to make them so soon, and had already placed an order with the local patisserie for their renowned lemon tarts. She knew I would understand, and of course, I did.

But not totally, I thought as I gazed at my two cakes. While rationalizing her viewpoint, I knew it made sense, but still...........

UNTIL I thought of how many amazing gifts, far superior to apple cakes, the Good Lord has given me, and I have said, “BUT I really wanted more or something different.

When the world is crusted with white, and pristine, I think “Oh, it’s snowing again,” and I forget that magical moment is one of many gifts from our Maker.

When tears flood my eyes and I remember Him, I think, “Why couldn’t we have had longer”. I dismiss the incalculable joys we were granted for 57 years and neglect to give thanks. How many moments, minutes, weeks and months of our lives did God allow us to share?

When I complain, often endlessly, about the far flung distances the Fabulous Four have chosen, I omit to mention how proud I am of all their accomplishments and neglect to give thanks that they all grew up strong and independent.

I will probably make the apple cakes again, but I doubt if I will ever forget the lesson I learned when I made them today.

Te Deum, Laudamus.