Thank You, But

I truly believe that for once even all four of my children would agree. I am not a fighter. I avoid confrontation as if it were the plague.

Of course, even an amateur psychologist could peer into my early years and find the reason, but does it matter now? Hardly. I am what I am, weathered by years and life and yes, love and have no desire to change.

However, I am currently engaged in a battle, as strange as it may seem to all who knew or currently know me. It is the fight for independence, a war every aging American has to wage daily.

It is a combat I am determined to win if at all possible, despite the odds not being in my favor.. Mostly because, it would be so much easier to concede the matter, and say, “It’s over. I lose.”

Then I would have known defeat, Not for a year, but the remainder of my time on this earth.

Everyday I am tempted. The latest weapon sounds so simplistic, It is called a personal assistant and goes by several commercial names. Each one is available online, in local stores or easier yet, on Amazon, and could become the ultimate weapon for defeating my independence.

A personal assistant, aka Alexa, or Goggle Home or Cortana, virtually eliminates any necessary activity other than the most rudimentary necessities of life. It will turn on or off any appliance, select music for you, adjust lighting, contact friends or family via the internet. Probably it offers even more choices than I have listed. Really doesn’t life sound easier already?

Ah but there is one caveat. Once you eliminate these tasks and assign them to another (remote device or not,) another crack in your ability to function independently has occurred.

I sound querulous, I admit. I also realize perhaps it is time to stop waging an unpopular war. However in the life I have been blessed to live, I have worked assiduously to achieve, realize and maintain whatever degree of independence I own. As a fearful child, I learned not to be afraid of the subways, streets and seductions Hells Kitchen offered daily. Later as a very young wife and Mother, I managed to overcome my fears of caring for the four youngsters entrusted to my care and not feel overwhelmed by constantly challenging new responsibilities.

Then as one by one, all four grew and left the household, I learned another new role. One that while free of many responsibilities still hovered on the edge of sorrow as I adjusted with difficulty to the loneliness of a then empty nest.

However, the biggest challenge was yet to come; the day he (my love, my life’s partner, my beloved) was called away. That is when I needed the independence that had slowly and quietly been acquired throughout the years. It was the precise moment when I no longer had his shoulder to lean on, or his hand to help me across the puddles of life, that I finally understood the value and importance of my independence.

So now, when the temptations seem to grow daily, small and large, both commercial and personal, I am engaged in probably one of the most important battles of my life. I am well aware it may be impossible to win or even achieve a temporary cease fire. However, as small a victory as it may seem, I will start by refusing the current temptation of a personal assistant and continue to turn on my own lights, select my own music and struggle as long as life allows me to continue making as many of my own decisions and choices as possible. So thank you Microsoft, Google and Amazon, but not yet. Not yet!