I sleep in three different beds, but no, don’t get the wrong idea. I am not promiscuous.
However, when my eyes begin to flutter and my soul wends down to peace and the day is ended, I seem to rotate between the three.
More and more I return to the small room off the living room on 58th Street where the sound of the traffic became the lullaby that rocked me to dreamland.
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I see the shadows of the looming street lights reflecting against the TV screen as I gaze out of the open entrance to the bedroom.
But I return alone to the room I once shared with a younger sister, and I return not as the young woman who left, but at the exact curve in the road where I now stand.
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And sometimes the dreams are conflicted, because I see the mistakes made in youth, the harsh judgments of others, and the dreams unfulfilled.
My sleep is restless as I remember the pilgrims long gone, and opportunities wasted, but then sleep comes and I feel only the comfort of yesterday.
Less and less frequently, when the moon is dark, and the night wraps me in its arms, I return to the home my beloved and I shared for 57 years. Sometimes I hear the sounds of babies crying in their upstairs bedroom; other times, I am alone waiting for my Anam Cara to return from an out of town assignment.
There are nights when the sky is bright with stars, and the corner traffic has ebbed. That is when I return to the happy moments. The Fabulous Four are each in their beds, and I am with my love, and the peace of another lost time embraces me. And that is when, I sleep well.
Lately, however, I sleep in the same bed I brought when I relocated. The duvet is the same, and the pillows are new. It resides now in a room with a view looking over a park and the nearby comfort of a medical facility.
In the beginning the new surroundings provided comfort, but not the sense of peace that now envelopes me. I yearned for the yesterdays that had fled into eternity with the speed of a gazelle.
That happens no longer. Rather as I look out at the sky that is no different than one I have watched for a lifetime, I feel the presence and love of those who shared all the worlds I once knew.
And when sleep comes, it is filled with peace and happy dreams.
