Tom

Tom

I started writing this last September while Tom was critically and devastatingly ill. My children and I feared the worst while battling hospital policies, uncompassionate care, and neglect. Last July through December were grueling and compounded by institutional errors. Despite the grim condition and outlook, Tom slowly recovered, and we were elated. Our hopes and prayers had divinely manifested into a glorious and welcomed reality. After very lengthy hospitalizations and rehab stints, he decreed to be home by Christmas Eve, every worker at the rehab continuously heard this upon his arrival. This was highly unlikely, if not impossible, but anyone who was acquainted with Tom, completely comprehended that his persistence and determination always prevailed. He was home for Christmas Eve and sat at the head of the dining room table for a feast. It was not the elaborate seven fish dinner with at least five courses that he always prepared and cooked, but it had most of the delicacies and features of Tom’s Christmas Eve dinner, and most importantly we were all together.

We lovingly and whole heartedly tended to him, especially our children Jessica and Jack who swapped turns sleeping with him in the den since he was unable to navigate the stairs. He had a great deal to overcome and he amazingly did despite the dismal odds the months before. He was unable to walk at all returning home, and he applied tremendous effort and tenacity to regain independent ambulation exercising numerous daily strides. He initially required a walker and two persons assist, then a cane, and finally self-reliance. He also drove himself to New York Life in Melville three times a week starting in late March and was back to grocery shopping by himself too. Tom also remotely resumed his teaching position at New York University soon after returning home in January, and was expected to teach in person on campus in September. We hoped that the prior health crisis was a big hiccup and life would return to normal and it headed in that desired direction for a while. Alas, there is no predicting life. Things seem one way and then go the other.

Tom must have chuckled at how his home was decorated for Christmas. With no time to duplicate Tom’s usual grandeur and pageantry, it consisted of a three-foot tree with lights and four or five strands of the hundred or so of light strands draped over and around the dining room entrance. A far cry from his twelve-foot tree that graced the living room window with eighty thousand lights, yes, eighty thousand, and endless crammed ornaments. The Christmas villages did not make an appearance either, but the ambiance was still lovely and comforting.

Part of Tom’s annual Christmas prep was organizing and suggesting the dress code for our children for his themed Christmas card poses – Yankees Jerseys was his favorite. This occurred up until he became sick with very adult children trying to please daddy. Tom would race to the Hallmark store in the mall with our children in tow as soon as the new ornaments came out in July, allowing each child to pick out many ornaments – usually a huge bagful. Christmas was serious business for Tom as he carefully and meticulously secured all the Christmas lights held in place by an inordinate amount of plastic clips clinging to the highest gutters and tallest peaks of our home and endlessly wrapped trees and bushes in Christmas glow. His perseverance and perfectionism paid off with every bulb being untouched when Superstorm Sandy rolled in decimating the neighborhood and half our home.

Tom’s presence was unmistakable and larger than life. He exuded confidence, great wit, passion, and boundless knowledge. As a true type A personality, he demanded attention, and was an accomplished, sage advertising expert who commanded companies and astronomical agency revenue. Tom also assumed control of smaller one-man operations and transformed them into companies with eight figure profits. Quite a feat indeed.

As an undeniably bold and assertive Leo, he was a top media mogul in a highly competitive and ruthless industry. He went big with everything he did. A former colleague and friend, Jeff P., stated, “Tom was a fantastic, loyal, good man, and special friend who kick-started many careers.” And Elliot D. cited Tom, “A research and strategy guru and a great asset as Head of Business Developing” at his first agency at SFM Media. His first boss, who became a lifelong friend, Dave T. stated, “Tom was the brightest star since I hired him forty plus years ago.”

Tom was also an adjunct professor at New York University in Manhattan since the fall of 2012, where he taught graduate level courses in Integrated Marketing and Communications. He thoroughly and eagerly enjoyed this new role, engaging with young minds and befriending students who completely embraced him and kept in touch long after class. He enriched their lives with his vast knowledge, experience, clever wit, profound passion, and endearing friendship.

Tom was also a big kid at heart and extremely generous. He purchased an almost infinite amount of toys, stuffed animals for every holiday and occasion, video games, movie tapes, and arranged Easter baskets that each contained numerous one-pound bags of assorted candies and chocolates. My sister, Michele, would ask what kind of Easter bunny comes to your house?

Tom was also an avid sports fan and afficionado of his beloved Yankees, Knicks, Jets, and Islanders, and often drove into the Bronx with his children for Yankees games which sometimes included dining in the exclusive banquet room. Star Trek, Star Wars, The Godfather and Rocky series, John Wayne movies, Christmas Hallmark movies all year round, The Harry Potter series and superheroes like Batman, Spiderman, and The Avengers were other penchants that he had a prolific affection for and watched over and over. He was also a staunch history buff and avid war movie fan. He would often lecture us about history with incredible detail and diversity. He always had a story to share.

Even though he had a strong affinity and devotion to many teams and shows, nothing was more important to Tom then his family. He would proudly refer to us as “My family,” and would often boast how all our children look just like him. In actuality, our youngest, Jack, is Tom’s twin, especially in their baby pictures. He worked tirelessly to ensure we were provided for as he wanted us to have a good life, and took excellent care of us, protected us, and spoiled us. He was a homebody, preferring family to outside events. He liked simple tasks like food shopping and cooking for us. He handled all the finances, care of cars and our home. He lovingly assumed the responsibility of everything, and made sure each facet was done in a timely fashion. I have never put gas in my car. Tom always did it, and when my children started driving, he also filled their cars in the early morning in frigid temperatures, snow, rain, whatever the weather. He would bring in one car after another, and the attendant would ask, “Everyone is home warm in bed?” and Tom would nod affirmatively. He always made sure that all of his children and I were up, dressed and ready for school, work, or any event. He was the driving force behind everything getting done. He loved his family dearly, and was very proud of us. Tom was a true family man with a huge heart. He was so devoted to us that he even did things he detested. Like taking Tommy camping at the Boy Scout camp in Wading River, twice, out in the woods in a tent, cooking over fire pits like a caveman, and away from the comforts of home. This was so offensive to him that he purchased a massive three-room tent and a heater to minimalize the rustic uncivilized décor. For someone who was accustomed to top rated luxury hotels when he traveled from coast to coast for many years and enjoyed fine dining, this was an abomination. He must have been very relieved when Jack decided to ditch Cub Scouts in second grade. On a tamer Boy Scout note, Tom was delighted to help both Tommy and Jack cut and put weights on their Pine Wood Derby cars each year and enthusiastically cheered them on at the events.

His hospitality and generosity also extended to the Girl Scouts. Tom willingly sold Girl Scout Cookies to his colleagues in Manhattan and then had to schlep over one hundred and fifty boxes via the Long Island Rail Road for delivery. He also opened his home to Girl Scout pool parties, barbecues, and badge work. While Jessica, Tommy, and I were away on camping weekends, Tom and Jack had quality bonding time at home.

He thoroughly enjoyed hosting his annual pool parties, and planned them months in advance ensuring that no detail was omitted. He cherished his colleagues, and relished the many young workers with their carefree attitudes and frolicking antics who partied into the night. Tom’s graduate students attended too, which touched him deeply. His calendar year consisted of his pool party which he started planning as soon as all the Christmas decorations were safely stored, and once that was squared away, he then focused his attention on his fondest indulgence: Christmas. Right after the pool party was over in July, he began talking about Christmas and the caravan of Christmas lights came out for him to painstakingly plug in each set of lights, indoor and outside, to make sure they all lit. Then, lights were hung outside starting in early September, and finally the massive tree and everything else followed. It all began in July and by Thanksgiving everything was illuminated. It was a tremendous amount of work but he loved it…He lived for it.

Despite all his many outstanding and honorable accomplishments, he was best known as a responsible, devoted, and loving husband and father. It breaks my heart that he will not know or play with his grandchildren and will not walk through the front door again. He would have been an awesome grandfather and would have spoiled them rotten.

Tom planned on putting up his monstrous twelve-foot tree this Christmas, but life is unpredictable with things seeming one way and then going the other. As a very religious man who was a church usher for decades, he likely welcomed returning to God in the end. Christmas was a special sacred season for Tom that continued all year long. His friends even referred to him as “Mr. Christmas” and compared our decorated home to the extravagantly adorned house in the Christmas Vacation movie claiming that the intense luminosity of so many lights must surely register on satellites in outer space. My Dear Tom, it is forever Christmas where you are. May your Soul be eternally bursting forth with joy like the infinite dazzling glistening lights that you strung every year. Job well done, Tom. So, remember, when the lights are sparkling their brightest and the world is rejoicing, think of Tom.