Words, Edicts or

Oh, she’s been gone far longer than I wish to remember. It seems like a lifetime ago when I last heard her voice.

Still her words sound like a trumpet in the still of the night whenever I need to remember what she once said.

The innumerable but memorable edicts were spoken by my Mother and always without a moment of hesitation.

Most of what she spoke about concerned not only my expected behavior, but appearance, and demeanor. The three letter word beginning with an s and ending with an x was never to my memory ever uttered between us.

Rather that part of my education came from a book I found huddled on the shelves of the magnificent NYC Public Library guarded by Patience and Fortitude. However, that’s not part of this story.

It was vitally important to Mom that her “girls,” (of whom I was the first,) reflected her upbringing not only in the years we lived at home, but also, equally important in the decades that followed after our marriage.

She not only expected that her standards be upheld, but in essence demanded that we continue observing them. For the most part, we all obeyed.

I think about that now wondering how disappointed and yes, angry she would be to see my disheveled closet. I tend to let garments huddle together when they are “tired,” rather than unloading them to the nearest bin.

Then, but only occasionally on a rainy Wednesday, I allow them to emerge and let them wrap me in comfort. Oh, Mama would never approve of that even though I don’t allow anyone to see me.

Yet, I still feel guilty despite not emerging from my apartment lest I be viewed.

I wonder now how she found the strength to fill us so completely with her memory even so long after departing our world. Then I realize perhaps it wasn’t the power of her words or the bulwark of her strength, but instead the immense love she constantly fed each daughter.

The words really were only instruments used to empower us for a lifetime. They represented total devotion to her “girls.”

And that’s why she has never been forgotten by those who were blessed to call her “Mom.”