Virtual comedy show to benefit Alzheimer's Association

WHITE PLAINS — The Kensington Assisted Living Facility will host a Comedy Night from 7:30-8:30 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 16, to benefit the Alzheimer’s Association Hudson Valley Chapter. A Longest Day fundraiser, it will feature a virtual performance by comedian J Smiles. As a caregiver for her mother who has Alzheimer’s, J Smiles has deep personal experience that she draws upon for her act. She also hosts a podcast that offers support and levity for family caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s and other dementias.

J Smiles said the benefit was conceived after staff at The Kensington, who had seen her on a Hilarity for Charity panel on humor and caregiving, reached out and said they would like to partner with her to help caregivers. “They said, ‘We think that humor in caregiving makes a lot of sense. We listened to your podcast episodes. We would like to partner with you in some way. What would you like to do?’ ”

With all the uncertainty still surrounding the pandemic, especially for dementia caregivers, she said making it a virtual event made sense.

“We don’t really know when this pandemic will end, and even when the pandemic may be over for non-caregivers, all the caregivers I know will still have trepidations. So I thought, let’s not wait, let’s do something virtual. I described the virtual shows that I’ve been doing since the pandemic started, and they thought that would be a fantastic approach,” she said. “We put together a program specifically for caregivers. We’re leading with levity. It will be a safe space where all the material I use in the show will be relatable to caregivers, their families and friends. It will not be a seminar, a workshop or a lecture.”

Anyone who wants to tune in can, and all proceeds will go directly to Alzheimer Association to help its mission of care and support for families living with dementia as well as research seeking a cure. Admission is a $20 donation on The Kensington’s Longest Day page.

Before she became J Smiles, she was Janay Smith, an engineer, product designer and lawyer. Things changed dramatically, however, following her father’s abrupt death nearly 10 years ago, which thrust her mother into early-onset Alzheimer’s disease.

“The disease crippled my mother in less than six months. She was fully functioning, running her own forensic accounting firm in January. By six months later, I was in charge of what she ate, getting her clean and managing all of her money. She was 62 when it happened,” she recalled. “The shock and trauma of my father’s death sped up what the neurologists said would likely have taken 10 years. Prior to this, I didn’t know that an event like this could trigger Alzheimer’s.”

“The turning point was when I went to Montgomery to assist my mother with a few issues with my father’s estate. I thought she was just having normal depression and grief,” she recalled. “But then I went into the kitchen where she was making a sandwich, and I noticed a puddle of liquid on the floor by her foot. I asked what was going on, and she said she was making a sandwich. I looked down, and I could tell it was urine running down her leg, and that she didn’t notice it. That’s when I knew it was something beyond depression and grief.”

Efforts to get a diagnosis took months — as her mother continued to rapidly decline — and ultimately required traveling to Los Angeles, where the necessary tests and medical care were more accessible. In the end, she was diagnosed with two forms of dementia, one of which required brain surgery. After a recovery period, she was able to take her mother back to her home in Atlanta, Ga., where she cares for her, and her mother’s specialists are nearby. She splits her time between Atlanta and Montgomery, Ala.

“I have a care team now, a great medical team. It has been a steady uphill battle. Comedy came because about three years into my caregiving journey, my body was falling apart. The doctors said, ‘You may end up having a heart attack or stroke if something doesn’t change.’ I was looking for a hobby that would take an hour a week. I went to the class, and I fell in love. And here I am about five years later now.”

She said she originally kept caregiving and comedy separate, but the pandemic changed that.

“J Smiles and Janay didn’t know about one another. It was too hard and too painful — comedy was supposed to be the escape. The pandemic was what made me bring comedy and caregiving together. The podcast was created during the pandemic, then Hilarity for Charity found out about me. I said, if I can make any caregivers smile or laugh — and there have been people over five continents — the feedback I get from caregivers who say they feel seen because someone understands their perspective makes it worth exposing my pain and my fragility.”

She said the Alzheimer’s Association has been very helpful to her. “I’m mostly connected with the Georgia Chapter — I have the app, and I use the services to find resources, that has been very useful to me. As an only child, a single person and a primary caregiver who didn’t see it coming, I’m often anxious as to if I am doing it correctly, and the Alzheimer’s Association to me is the standard bearer of information. I’ve been able to contact the office when I have specific questions when I am confused, and that’s been helpful.”

About the Alzheimer’s Association

During the COVID-19 pandemic, the Alzheimer’s Association Hudson Valley Chapter has continued to offer programs and services online and by phone. These include opportunities for families affected by dementia to speak with licensed social workers, support groups and free educational and social webinars for the general public and families living with forms of dementia. Pre-recorded online educational programs are also available.

The Alzheimer’s Association leads the way to end Alzheimer’s and all other dementia — by accelerating global research, driving risk reduction and early detection, and maximizing quality care and support. Its vision is a world without Alzheimer’s and all dementia. Call 800.272.3900 or visit alz.org.