'The GrAttitude Project' A Love Story For Mom Lost to Cancer

NORTH FORK, NY — Mary Latham's mother Pat was only 61 when she died after a long battle with breast cancer.

But even when facing the most daunting fight of her life, her mom, Latham said, focused on finding the beauty and hope in the world and not letting tragedy and despair overcome.

Latham will always remember words of wisdom from her mom. When Latham, who was working as an attorney in New York, learned about the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings in 2012, she was in tears.

"I called my mom. I used to call her every day when I got to work," she said. Crying, she shared her grief about the Newtown tragedy. Then she told her about a stranger who had bought her co-workers coffee at Starbuck's, paying it forward.

"She told me that there were always going to be these terrible things that happen. You have to focus on that other story, that person who bought coffee for others. Those are the things you have to focus on," Latham said.

In those words, an idea was born. In February, 2013, on Valentine's Day, Latham launched a Facebook page, as well as a website, moregood.today and newsletter where she collected stories of people touching lives by paying it forward.

The GrAttitude Project is spelled that way it is on purpose, with the emphasis on attitude — being grateful every day is an attitude one can choose to embrace, she said.

And now, Latham is preparing for the journey of a lifetime: In October, she's set to driver her mom's 2008 blue Subaru Outback to every state in the country, where she'll meet with people and hear their stories about giving back, about good and positivity during a time when the political landscape is marked by turmoil and negativity.

The More Good Road Trip has a GoFundMe page, too, which has raised $3,415 of it's $15,000 goal. The theme? "All we need is hope."

Latham, 29 and a wedding photographer, described how her mother's death colored every page in the book of her life.

"After my mom passed way I quit my job at a law firm in Manhattan and bought a one way ticket to the Caribbean and changed my life," she said. "It was brave and crazy but it was mostly the best decision, the best thing I could have possibly done."

Later, she lived in Italy for a few months.

When her mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer, Latham was only 13 years old. "I attempted to run away, because I thought, 'This means she dies.' I didn't understand."

And over the next years, Latham said her mother triumphed many times over cancer's setbacks. "She kept getting through all of it, and I thought she was always going to be fine, and fight through it, because she was so strong."

But as the cancer worsened in 2013, Latham found comfort and strength in sharing stories sent to her from individuals about random acts of kindness, including a roommate who lost a phone in a cab but saw it returned, to her door, by a Good Samaritan.

Eleven days after The GrAttitude Project launched, Latham's mom had surgery at Sloan Kettering, a surgery where there had been "only a small chance of it going wrong. But it did." Only hours later, Latham and her family were gathered in that waiting room, during the worst minutes and hours of their lives; her mom died at midnight on a Friday.

"We were all in that waiting room, and I'd gone to my email and read them a few stories" from those sharing stories of acts of kindness, Latham said. "We were all just crying but those stories were nice, a little piece of hope during a really horrible time."

Latham, who'd promised her mother that she'd turn the idea for the GrAttitude project into a book one day, said her hope is that the published book, after her road trip, will be shared among hospital waiting rooms.

"People are in hospital waiting rooms, during the worst times of their lives, waiting for the people they love so much to die," she said.

The book is meant to offer hope‚ and will be dedicated to her mother, Latham said.

After her mother died, Latham said she was in a very dark place. But even though she didn't post any GrAttitude stories for a short whle, others posted, in her absence, keeping hope alive.

"I realized, 'I can't let this project die. This is for my mom," Latham said.

The stories, and focusing on the positive, actually helped her heart to heal, she said.

And now, she's ready to take the project on the road.

She'll leave on October 29, a day she picked at random.

In the meantime, she's reaching out to friends who have family connections in cities and states where she'll be traveling, hoping to find spare couches where she can stay and to share dinners and laughter and always, stories.

Before she heads out, Latham said she'll reach out to local papers in the places she'll be visiting, so people can email her stories,"about that cool old guy in the post office" and other men and women with stories of gratitude and giving back.

Along the way, Latham will interview, shoot video, and take photographs, with updates on her website so friends and family "can come along with me" on her journey.

She'll drive to every state and fly to Alaska and Hawaii, Latham said. There's no set timeline. "If I'm at the most amazing cheese fair in Wisconsin, I don't want to feel like I have to leave and get to the next place," she said.

The trip is a journey of the heart, one Latham is taking alone, with her mother in every thought, story and destination.

"It's her car. It's something that was inspired by her. And in a way, I really need to do it alone," Latham said. Some people, she said, have suggested getting another car or bringing someone with her on the road trip. "But the whole thing is, I want to do this, in her car, by myself. Maybe I need to drive for eight hours in the middle of the desert and just cry. It's therapeutic."

The whole concept of the trip, though, is meeting people, hearing their stories and acts of kindness, and staying with friends old and new. "That's when you realize you're not really ever alone," she said.

Her mother was a woman of deep faith, Latham said. And she felt her mother's presence strongly after seeing a Southold medium. "I was very hesitant to go," she said. "But she told me she saw a woman, a figure over me, and she said, 'There is something that you're doing for her, in her name and in her honor, and you're going to touch thousands of people, and she says 'thank you,'" Latham said.

For others who might be too hesitant to just leave a job or a life and pursue a dream, Latham said, "Do it. I am always promoting the leap, even just little leaps. Leaving my job and buying that ticket to the Caribbean —I felt as though I would never going to be 100 percent happy again, because there's this gaping hole in my heart that will never be filled. My mother was my best friend, and my number one fan, and I couldn't imagine what my life was going to be like — but I knew being in my cubicle and feeling that way, it wasn't going to work."

And throughout all the adventures since, no matter how challenging obstacles may have been, her mother inspired her, Latham said. "I thought, 'Nothing is as bad as losing my mom, so I can get through it. If you don't take these leaps, you're just sitting in sadness."

By sharing acts of kindness, Latham is touching lives. "At first I didn't know if anyone was even reading. Then this girl, a nurse, sent me a Facebook message. She told me she got home from work every day and got into bed with her husband and read him whatever story I had posted that day. It was her favorite part of the day."

Another time, as she was leaving a wedding she'd photographed, a security guard her her GrAttitude Project story and gave her a check for $200, to help.

Of the road trip and book to follow, Latham said it's a forever gift, a promise made and kept to her mother. "I very much feel like she'll be with me now."