'Michael's Hope' Co-Founder Shares Her Own Incredible Triumph Over Traumatic Brain Injury

Kristina Amato, as co-founder of Michael's Hope along with Laurel's Paul Maffetone, regularly visits schools, community groups and other organizations, standing strong in the fight against heroin addiction.

But Amato, a Commack resident who is a familiar face on the East End due to her Michael's Hope work, has, in her own life, led an amazing story of strength and recovery after sustaining a traumatic brain injury when she was just 10 years old.

Recently, on the 14th anniversary of a devastating accident that changed her life, she took the time to reflect on her journey with Patch. Here, in her own words, is Amato's story, and her message to those who may feel as though they can no longer bear the pain and want to give up:

"When I was 10 years old I had a traumatic brain injury. I fell straight on my head, and had a seizure on the spot. I broke my clavicle right in half and was supposed to be paralyzed from the neck down. I lost all my memory — including 10 years of my life, gone in a blink of an eye.

"Little did I know when I woke up that morning, on October 4, that my whole life was going to be changed forever. I had been at cheerleading practice, where I was playing on the mats. I climbed on top of them, just like any old 10-year-old would do. I always was a little monkey and had a lot of energy.

"I jumped onto an old school basketball crank and swung on it. Unfortunately, it broke, and that's when I fell from 10 feet up in the air, straight onto the gym floor.

"Going forward from that day on was a struggle. I woke up in a hospital bed and didn't even recognize my family or friends. Everything was blurry. The doctors explained it to me by saying it was as if my brain was put into a paper bag, shaken up, and put back in place.

"I never knew what it was like to be a normal teenager. I was homeschooled for a while after my accident, as I was too confused to go back into school with hundreds of kids. I had to rebuild and relearn all over again. My anxiety was sky high, my depression was in a dark hole that I didn't think I could get out of.

"I'll never forget my mom taking me to Friendly's often, whenever I would have a bad day, which was almost every day.

"My mother would do anything just to see me smile. I remember her getting me a keychain that had my name on it. She was desperate to see her baby girl happy. I couldn't understand why this had happened to me — why my family? I questioned if I'd ever get better, if I'd ever have a normal life, or ever be able to function properly on a daily basis.

"I was a lot of work. I didn't understand life. I didn't understand the world. I was very confused. I needed to count my steps in order to get from place to place.

"I was on 42 different medications for awhile, but they never made me feel better, only made me more depressed.

"I didn't feel like I deserved my life. Caught in the spiral of sadness and confusion, I would cut myself. It started with just a couple of cuts across my arm but then I got into the evil habit and eventually, it spread throughout my whole body. In high school I had to wear long sleeved shirts in the wintertime because the marks were that bad. There was a night I will never forget, when my mom heard me crying all the way across the hall from her bedroom, so she came in and lay with me in bed. Little did she know she would find a knife in my hand.

"I was in a very bad place. I hurt my family. I hurt my friends. I hurt everyone I loved, but mostly, I was hurting myself. The next day my mother took me to the doctor and I got help. But I was young. I wasn't taking it seriously. I thought I would be able to control myself, I thought I was getting better, but we're not always right.

"Unfortunately, I had developed an eating disorder. I thought it was just going to be a short term stage of my life. Little did I know that I was getting weaker and weaker as the days went by. I was lost in my own self harm. It got to a point where I would pass out simply walking or even driving. My body was shutting down. My teeth started to hurt, my hair was falling out, I was skin and bones and I was pale. I look back on that and my life now, and it saddens me that I didn't just listen to the loved ones around me just trying to help. But I was sick and lost in my own world. I was five pounds away from being sent to in-patient for my eating disorder.

"I saw a therapist and a nutritionists for a while. I told my nutritionist I felt as though I was the only one who was going through what I was. She started an eating disorder group, where I would be able to talk to others about the way I felt. I wasn't the only one. People suffer on a daily basis from this horrible disease. And, yes, it is a disease. I didn't wake up one day saying that I want to bring so much self harm on upon myself that I wanted to have an eating disorder. I had a very difficult time going to a therapist because I would sit down specifically in front of them and tell them you don't know who I am, you don't know my story, you don't know how to help me so don't try to act like you can when you don't know me. I was a fussy one.

"Doctors prescribed me 42 different medications within 10 years.

"I was so sick of waking up and taking a pill, going to bed taking a pill. I would ask myself all the time, "Why can't I just be me? Why can't I just be Kristina? Why do I need medication? I just want to be a human.' I tried multiple times giving up my medication, but doctors told me that I would never not be on medication, so to not even think about it.

"I gave them the middle finger and proved them wrong.

"Instead, I I found a healthier lifestyle, I started working for a health company that promotes an alkaline lifestyle. It took me about six months to completely detox from my medication and then I found a healthier lifestyle, where instead of taking a Xanax when I had anxiety, I used lavender oil or magnesium spray. I found better alternatives.

"In the past, I would abuse pills. When I was sad I would take Xanax. When I was mad I would take Xanax, when I needed to get some sleep I would take Xanax. When I had a bad day I would take Xanax.

"The bottom line was that I was hooked. I'm not proud to say this but I got to a point where my mother would fall sleep and I would have to take some, from wherever I could get it. That doesn't make me a bad child. I was relying on the medication way too much and I was hooked. I got to a point where I was just abusing it and relying on Xanax to numb myself.

"That's not a life to live.

"I was tired of relying on it, so I broke the chain. I replaced it with herbs, meditation, yoga, nature walks. I had never realized how beautiful the world was because my eyes weren't fully open to it. Nature now has my heart. It is my savior and I am forever grateful that I had an awakening moment. I'll never forget it.

"It was after my second time getting help for the cutting. I was in a facility, and it was New Year's Eve. I'd never felt so alone in my life. I was 18 years old when I went to that facility. Every year before that I had spent New Year's Eve with my family. We had dinner and went to the movies, every single year. That year, I got to sit in front of a TV with strangers that I didn't know.

"I'd never felt so alone. I was tired of trying to end my life. I was tired of hurting myself, of numbing myself. I was especially tired of hurting my family. My poor family, what I put them through. I was addicted to the pain I experienced when cutting myself because it numbed my mind from the sadness.

"When I was in that facility getting help I said to myself, 'This is it. I'm done just getting through life, I want to live my life! Obviously I'm here for some reason and I'm going to figure out that reason. I'm meant to be here.'

After that turning point, I paid attention to group therapy. I made sure I put in a lot of effort to get better, to do everything I could to get my life back.

" There was a group reading so powerful that I got one of the quotes as a tattoo. It says, " Beauty is skin deep.' That taught me that we are what we feel, we are what we think, we are what we act upon. A beauty that's skin deep, or external, does not define us. Our struggles do not define us. I was ready to heal my soul and find out who I was. Throughout my recovery, there's so much emotional muscle. I was grateful every single day for my life, that I woke up breathing and that I was alive. I am so blessed. I see the beauty in everything. I never take anybody or anything for granted, I try to make the most negative situations into something positive. There's been way too much loss in my life for me not to appreciate the life that I have.

"I now know why I am here. I'm here to help. I'm here to bring about awareness. I'm here to heal. I'm here to show people that there is a light in their darkness. I have mentally and physically been in places so dark and deep that I never thought I would be free, but I found my way out.

"I want to tell and show others that they should never give up, even when they don't think that there is a light at the end of their path. There is, but they must be the light, must be the love, they must be the strength. You need to believe in yourself, you need to help yourself, you need to love yourself. How are you truly supposed to ever love anybody if you can't truly love yourself?

"On the anniversary of my accident I just look back at how, 14 years ago, was one of the worst, but yes, best days of my life. Having gone through this traumatic brain injury, I am now in a position where I can say that I have survived. I am fighter. I'm a warrior. Every day to just wake up and get out of bed was a struggle, but I literally wouldn't be the woman I am today without my family and friends.

"My mother got diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, 12 surgeries, chemo and radiation. She is my living proof. She is my heart. She is my survivor. She is where I found all my strength.

"I would skip school so that I could be with her for treatments, and surgeries. I always held her hand in the hospital bed until she fell asleep. She has such a big heart, she always and will always be by my side, no matter what in life. Thank you, Mom for being my rock.

"If I could suggest one thing in life to others, it would be not to sweat the small stuff. Life happens, life goes by, the world keeps turning each second. Choose to live your life, choose to be happy, choose to be the best you you can possibly be. You are strong. Break out of your shell and see the world and see what your potential is. You find yourself once you go out of your comfort zone. It's then that you see what you're capable of, and when you see that you will love yourself.

"When you love yourself nothing is impossible."

Photos courtesy of Kristina Amato.