Savoring Small Victories

MHA welcomes blogger, Amy M. Collins' second post. Amy is blogging weekly about her quest to run a 5K. Here, this week's report!

This past week—week 4 of my 5K training—I had a mini-breakthrough.

The goal for the week was to finish an 8-minute clip of running, with a brisk 5-minute walk before and after. On my way to the gym, I was already talking myself into failure. I was too tired, too hungry, last week’s 7-minute run ended in a panic attack, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I would be stuck at this level forever. (Talk about catastrophizing!)

I got on the treadmill and started to walk, feeling exhausted and weighed down. But I was determined to try. After minute 5, I increased my speed and started to jog. I had made a few adjustments since last week, and was hoping they would make a difference:
1) I bought new sneakers. Seasoned runners already know this, but what a world of difference having the right shoe makes! For fellow amateurs out there, do yourself a favor and invest in a proper pair of running shoes. Up until now, I had been wearing a modern day version of Keds. A trip to a running store, and an analysis of the way I walk by the shop attendant, helped me get new shoes that have support where I need it.
2) My cousin, a long-time runner, gave me some tips on my posture, or lack thereof. He told me to run with my hands closer to my hips, rather than up in tight fists near my chest, which was automatically making my shoulders pull forward and collapse over my lungs. I started my jog this week standing up straight, lungs opened, hands down by my hips. Breathing was so much easier.
3) I decided to listen to a close friend who, upon reading my first blog entry, told me to stop saying I “wasn’t a runner.” “You are now,” she said, and she had a point. We all know how powerful our minds can be, and repeating negative things doesn’t help. This time, as I ran, I repeated to myself, I’m a runner, and I can do this.

Soon into my run, something shifted. I felt good. My breathing naturally fell into a rhythm with the pounding of my feet, I didn’t feel tired anymore, and my energy level had shot up. Toward the end of the 8 minutes, I could feel myself running faster—I even bumped into the front of the treadmill. I finished strong, ready for more.

I’d love to say no panic followed this time, but I can’t. As I felt the familiar tension and wave of dizziness, I held on to the treadmill to steady myself, and continued walking, breathing, and watching my heart rate drop as I slowed down. I kept thinking, why now? I just did it! I ran 8 minutes! It made me realize that there’s something I’m still holding on to . . . a weird sort of comfort I find in my old friend anxiety . . . something I still have to figure out.

But for now I’ll stay focused on the small victories, and finishing the 8 minutes certainly is a victory for me. No matter how insignificant they may seem, small victories still count.

 
Amy M. Collins is a writer and editor working for a health care publication in New York City. She also works as a freelance writer, editor, and translator in the health care field and in fiction. After living abroad in Barcelona for 10 years, she now lives in her native New York, in Somers.