Wainwright House Explained

We have a tendency in this country, to take our greatest institutions for granted.

For instance, when was the last time anyone said anything nice about Kiss? This trend, sadly, doesn't just apply to bands in fright wigs and kabuki makeup. Take our own Wainwright House. It's been around for 150 years and the only time people mention it is to say it's anachronistic and irrelevant. Again, just like Kiss. This stops now. As I tell you a little about Wainwright House's history and what's going on there today.

The first Wainwrights emigrated here in the 1780s, eventually settling in Rye. They were supposed to be here sooner, of course. But everyone at Ellis Island got totally confused by the subtle difference between "emigration" and "immigration." And nobody even knew what they were doing for the first month. It got worse when that philosophical guy said there was no difference. And it just depended on where your head was at. Everyone said, "Far out!" And they lost another month.

Not long after this, The Wainwrights became Rye's most important and influential family. Although four other families vied for this honor, too. So, eventually, they started having wars, every five years, to get rid of the bad blood.

No, wait, that's "The Godfather."

Colonel J. Mayhew Wainwright is responsible for the concept of this Rye Mansion. During World War I, he was headquartered in France in a chateau he found enchanting. The colonel even vowed to make a replica of it when he returned home. His men hoped this would be soon. For, it was only when he vacated the chateau, that they could move in there and stop bathing in their foxholes. Colonel Mayhew finally returned to Rye. But not before he put a lock on the chateau's liquor cabinet. And tore out several vital chapters from the French-English dictionary.

Eventually, Colonel Mayhew and his wife built the famous stone house in Rye. They then had a daughter named Fonrose. Then they died. I think many years elapsed between these events. But Colonel Wainwright also tore out several chapters from the family history. So, between 1918 and 1930, nobody knows what went on.

Worse, this was a library book. And the City of Rye has been trying to get The Wainwrights to ante up on this for years.

Since the 1950s, Wainwright House has distinguished itself as being the oldest non-sectarian learning center in the U.S. A bit worried about this, I looked up "non-sectarian" in the dictionary. It's nowhere near as bad as I originally thought.

Over the past few decades, this site has hosted a number of leading spiritual and literary lights. Among them, Aldous Huxley and Deepak Chopra. Although, Chopra claimed he had once lectured here in a previous life, and charged everyone double.

Meditation is one of the most intriguing activities taking place at Wainwright House. On the second and forth Thursday of every month, people come here to practice something called "mindfulness." In Buddhism, "mindfulness" leads to "liberation" and "enlightenment." If, however, you achieve this and then shout, "I just found enlightenment!" this then leads to "expulsion." However, once outside, you are free to start your own cult.

If you are more interested in yoga, this, too, is being taught at Wainwright House. Here you can study Ashtanga Yoga, which lengthens the body. If you feel you are already too tall, you can ask to be taught these movements in reverse. If you are interested in learning how to breathe, you can also study Kundalini Yoga. However, if you haven't actually been breathing up until now, you probably have more pressing problems.

A final word on all this. If you do come to Wainwright House to study Kundalini Yoga, be careful. Try not to stare at a member of the opposite sex while you do it.

Recently, I practiced breathing in-and-out, intensely, while staring at a cool blonde. I was asked to leave almost immediately. I like it here, so I'll tell you this: that is one mistake I do not plan to make again.

Peter Gerstenzang is a freelance videographer and entertainment and humor writer based in Rye. His humor column about life in the city, "Wry Observations about Rye," will appear twice a month on Rye Patch.