JWG's Unpaved Roads — April 1, 2013 7:33 a.m.

Bunny! Bunny! Zwerglipatch  April 1, 2013 7:33 a.m. EDT

April began with a shower to wash off the plants that were moved about in our Zwerglipatch Gardens and snuggle their roots in the soil.
     Being cool, and damp, I am inside at my Library Desk which has a window overlooking the three areas where blooming Crocus dominate my scene. Each area is a different color: Yellow, White, Lavender.

It has just about been a year ago since I began sharing these daily musings on The Smithtown Patch online newspaper. As you know, the editor of Patch, Peter Verry, asked me to begin a blog concerning what it was like to be a lawfully-wed same-sex couple. (He had interviewed us when we got our marriage license. René and I were the first to purchase one in Smithtown.) I have been diligent in uploading many observations and a great deal of my poetry, yet, I do not believe I have ever answered Peter’s initial question due to the fact that I had no answer for our lives, in essence, have not changed. However, today, I realize our attitude has changed. We now have the freedom to say “Yes” whenever we are asked if we are a couple. And, we now add, “We are married.”
     After what we now consider more than three decades of being engaged, we can honestly say, when asked, “my Spouse”.

I shall sidetrack a bit about our choosing the term “spouse” rather than “husband”.
“Spouse” is gender neutral. Society, as far as I can perceive, is quite confused when it deals with gender. Prejudice and ignorance are still rampantly inherent in how many of our Citizens are treated. Last week’s questions from our Supreme Court Justices prove this point. And, for me, whenever I heard the word “husband”, even when I was young, it was a term I found offensive. Don’t ask me why for I have no answer. I know I never wished to be a “husband” in this Society.
     Society, supposedly, is organized. This Country of ours is known for its “open” Society. We see how closed many of our Social Societies are to opening their doors to acceptance of People they perceive as “different”. I, myself, find that People fear the unknown. They fear being treated as one of the “different”. That fear has never been instilled in my nature. Nor, has it been in René’s nature either. We have been individuals throughout our lives.
     For many, many years, we have been referred to as “Bookends” by our friend, David Rothenberg. David is right in his astute observation. We are, indeed, Bookends holding our lives — our library — our hearts together as a single unit.

In our Youth, for lack of a better term, we never wished to be “married”. Now, today, we wish to be married and accepted as if we were an ordinary couple — which we are. There are some who think we are unconventional as they have not, well, “evolved” which is the current term when it comes to acceptance.
     We are two People who share — everything. What is mine is René’s. What is René’s is mine. In our minds, that, for us, is a conventional marriage. It will be an especial day when our Government evolves in matching this mindset which even our President agrees is proper and just.
     “Generational” is another term that is current. And, in this case, for same-sex marriages, it is an apt word. The Younger Generation now are able to know many people as “gay”. For them, we have always existed. This is not so for our Parents’ Generation. Men who lived with Men, Women who lived with Women, were considered “Confirmed Bachelors” and “Old Maids”. “Old Maids”? Yikes! Now, that is a term that is, thankfully, in our past. Being from a small town, I knew many such Women and Men. I can only wonder how they would celebrate the Freedoms we have today. The Freedom to Be. The Freedom to Love.

Both Rene and I have breathed the air of six decades. We have seen the March to Freedom. We are marching still. My self-named Butterfly War for my right to marry and not be bullied by an ignorant Society has many more battles in front of me. And, not all of us wish to be married. We simply wish to be Free from the angst of being judged by those who consider their own lifestyle the True one to Live whereas they neglect to see difference as a plus in making, and enriching, Life.

One group does not  appear to be open. This group, the Roman Catholics, were not even open to having George Washington as our President. When they at last accepted, and congratulated, him on his new office of Presidency, George Washington wrote a letter of thanks to them.
     In that letter, George Washington wrote, “As mankind become more liberal they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protection of civil government. I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations in examples of justice and liberality.”
     I shared this quote with the Politicos who were deciding René’s and my fate in Albany in 2011. I received no responses to President Washington’s words. They who keep the hearts of the Founding Fathers close to them do not wish to hear that the most revered Man in this Country was not at all ashamed of the term “liberal”. Will Washington’s plea never be accepted?

I, myself, have conducted my Life as a “worthy” Citizen. Hopefully, I, too, have “evolved” in accepting different notions of what makes up a good Citizen. I applaud courage. And, courage is what was needed to declare “I am a Citizen with Rights.” Those who declared this sentiment provided the stepping stones upon which René and I could walk, hand-in-hand, to the Smithtown Town Hall and purchase a license to marry.
     Marry! The concept was, we thought, out of reach from our reality. Yet, realities do change — do evolve. We were glad to pledge our troth in Public with many other Same-sex Couples. We were happy to face our Neighbors as Spouses.