Syosset Ph.D. Seeks Kinder, Gentler Divorces

Breaking up is hard to do. But when a husband and wife dissolve their marriage through collaborative divorce, a relatively new, non-litigation process, the ordeal can be much less painful for both parties and their children.

In collaborative divorce, the spouses are represented by their own attorneys, but the attorneys work as a team, together with mental health counselors and financial specialists, to help the couple arrive at an acceptable resolution.

The process has been available in the New York area for more than five years, but it has not gained broad recognition among the general population. To get the word out to both consumers and the professional community, nine Long Island professionals, including Syosset psychologist Roxane Polak, Ph.D., recently joined forces to launch Collaborative Dispute Resolutions, which is based in Westbury. The group is comprised of five independent attorneys, three mental health counselors and one financial specialist, all of whom have been trained in the collaborative method and who have many years of professional experience.

The group was organized partly in response to the need of many divorcing couples to contain the legal costs involved in dissolving their marriage.

Attorneys who represent couples in a collaborative divorce sign an agreement that states they cannot represent their clients should the proceedings go to trial. This commitment to settle the divorce without litigation helps keep the costs down. According to a 2008 article in the Wall Street Journal, collaborative divorce usually costs less than $20,000, versus $27,000 for the average divorce negotiated by rival attorneys or $78,000 for a divorce that goes to trial.

However, more than financial, the major benefit of collaborative divorce is that it helps limit hostility and takes a lesser toll on the family.

"The team in a collaborative divorce helps the family communicate more effectively," Polak says. "In a litigated divorce, the parties use leverage to manipulate and attack the other. The resulting tension can create long-term damage for the children. In contrast, a collaborative divorce seeks to minimize these tensions, focusing on the family's long-term goals and the crafting of an agreement that takes the entire family into account."