Wedding Season 2022: Planting a Stable Future

The first two weeks of marriage were amazing! But what followed was anything but what Eugene and Asya expected. Anger, irritation, and arguments fueled by misunderstandings and communication issues began to take hold. Asya remembers thinking, "I'm hurt! Why should your feelings be put above my feelings?!"

Asya's sentiments are all too common among newlyweds. And while we're all well aware of the statistic that 50% of marriages will end in divorce or separation, there is a way to give your marriage a fighting chance. Asya and Eugene explain what they did to not only survive the first year of marriage, but to build a foundation for a lasting future.

Fight for your marriage

When problems emerge, a newlywed couple may immediately think, "This was a mistake," and then they begin to look for a way out. But giving up on a marriage early on is tantamount to abandoning a newly planted garden because weeds begin to appear. And doesn't every garden get weeds from time to time?

Early on, Eugene was given solid advice from a friend: "You have to be willing to fight for your marriage…If it doesn’t seem like it's working, seek help. Just don't be pessimistic." So Eugene fought. And with his persistence came the fruits of a well-manicured garden. But where did he seek help?

Pull the weeds of selfishness

Like most people today, Eugene turned to the internet to look for articles on marriage. Then Asya and Eugene would come together to discuss what he found and how they could improve. Those articles helped them to understand first what the problem was, and then second, build the skills to work on them.

One article in particular that helped Asya tremendously was called Managing Conflicts in My Marriage on JW.org. According to that article, researchers have found that the most reliable indicator of how happy a marriage will be is not sexual compatibility and financial security. Rather, it's how well a couple manages any conflicts that arise. Articles like that helped her to see that, like an old Bible proverb states, "love is not selfish." She acknowledges: "We had to start thinking about the other person's feelings about an issue first."

A practical tip in the article says: "Over the coming weeks, notice how you speak to your spouse. If you are dismissive or say something demeaning, apologize immediately." Asya admits that at first, it wasn't easy to see how things would work out. But after trying it, she recommends this 'weed-killer' to others.

One other thing to consider, though, is that like most weed-killers, it takes time to work. Eugene and Asya remembered reading an article, being in agreement about how to solve the problem, but then two weeks later needing to sit down and reread the same article! "It was like we understood the information in our heads, but we had to change our inclinations. And that is a difficult thing. We definitely started seeing the benefits of what we were learning after our first year's anniversary."

You won't get to enjoy the fruit of a well-tended garden without some hard work. The same is true of marriage. Eugene and Asya can attest that the results are more than worth the effort. Having just celebrated their 2nd anniversary on May 10th, they feel like the skills they learned after being determined to fight for their marriage reassure them of the gratifying fruitage of a long and happy marriage.