College Application Deadlines Loom—But No Need To Panic!

Ahh, December. The time of twinkling lights, shopping, office parties and…college applications?

Yes, amid the eggnog and cheer, December signals stress for many students and their parents who are overwhelmed by the college application process. For students who have submitted their applications, the mailbox becomes a favorite hangout.

For other high school seniors, the symptoms of Application Procrastination have set in.  Whether due to nerves, or a lack of confidence that leads to polishing and repolishing those all-important essays, some students have yet to hit SEND.

For parents, heart palpitations are the order of the day. Eager for their kids to do well on the application,  worry that every hour of delay may lead to a rush job which may disqualify their child.

Some can’t help nagging and even yelling at their kids, “If you don’t get this done you’ll never go to college!” Others pursue the laissez faire approach, “It’s up to you to take care of this. I can’t do it for you,” and walk away, fingers crossed.

My first and best advice is “Don’t’ panic!” Help is available when the process overwhelms your family. 

Most of the students I work with actually blossom when left on their own to complete the applications and write their essays.   In many cases, pressure from the parents only increases their resistance—and their anxiety.

If your kid still resists cleaning his or her room at age 17, you can be sure that same resistance will come into play with the college apps. Postponing those college apps can be part of  teen-age rebellion, and the exploration of their emerging power as adults.  And make no mistake, the senior year of high school is an important  time of transition from childhood to adulthood. 

My favorite approach is the “third party” solution.. Ask a trusted relative or close family friend  to talk to your child in a supportive manner about how their college application process is going. The advantage of a third party is that those well-established patterns of parent-child interactions can be short-circuited.  For some kids, not doing what a parent asks has become an automatic response—as has the parent’s yelling or threatening to take away privileges in response.

When Uncle Joe takes them out for Starbucks and asks about how the college applications are coming, the child is not threatened and can even talk freely about how frustrated he is at being treated like a baby by his parents.

Another way to achieve the “third party” effect is turning to one of the many college application coaches in our area.  A good coach—or a good relative—will treat your child as the adult she is so eager to become.  In turn, the child responds by trying her hardest to show what she is capable of.  This can be especially true when it comes to helping to take control of her own future, which really is what applying to college is all about. 

As a bonus, the level of stress in your home will be greatly reduced when the burden of pushing your child to meet application deadlines is shifted to a willing third party who the child sees as her ally and mentor.  And that may be the best holiday gift of all this year!

NEXT TIME—THE SECRET TO A GREAT APPLICATION ESSAY

Walt Kuenstler lives in Narberth, Pennsylvania. His career has been spent in advertising and marketing, and he is a professional writer.

First it was one of his clients who asked Walt to work with his child on her college application essays. Then his own two daughters became high school seniors, and he coached them through the process. Then friends and neighbors showed up, asking for similar help. Today, he is the mainlinewritingcoach.com, helping high school students with college admissions essays, term papers, general writing skills.